Love Defined

This past month, I have been blessed with the opportunity to be a part of the launch team for a new book. 'Love Defined: Embracing God's Vision For Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships' by Kristen Clark and Bethany Baird. There will be more to come on this book as we near release day, but for now, I just wanted to take a moment to talk a bit about the topic. I've mentioned it before, but I take this blog week by week. I write what I feel God is laying on my heart to write for that week, and sometimes that means pushing some posts aside for awhile, and other times that means not having a post written until 11 P.M on Thursday. I had a different post planned for this week, (actually last week, but then I felt I needed to write about Good Friday instead) but pre-orders for Love Defined started Wednesday, and when I got the email and started sharing about it, I felt God lay it on my heart that I needed to not only share about it on here... But share my "Love defined by God" story when I did. 

I've never done this in a public setting before, and I'm kind of terrified, but the truth is, I'm not perfect in the area of crushes and relationships, and as much as I try to hide that, I think maybe some people might need to see it.

I'm very big on purity,  praying for your future spouse, and all that good stuff, but I rarely discuss the topics. Nobody really knows anything about my "love life" unless you're one of my closest friends. When girls giggle about their crushes, I go silent.

When they talk about how "cute" or "hot" a guy is, I awkwardly smile and hope the conversation changes topic soon.

It's not because I'm judging anyone for talking about these things, and I realize that sometimes it probably comes off as a "holier than thou" attitude.

 I apologize greatly for that. 

This area is a very sensitive one for me, quite frankly, and I usually just try to avoid it in order to avoid temptations... 

Now here's the reason why. 

When I was young, I always dreamed of my "Prince Charming." I created this seemingly perfect man in my little girl mind, and truly believed he existed and I would meet him one day. Guys were always an important thing to me, and when I started noticing them around 9 or 10 or so, I held to my little girl fantasies, and could very easily make them an idol. 

When I was 13, right in the middle of my boy crazy phase, I had turned a current crush into an idol in my heart, and was flat out obsessed with him. And I really didn't even like him that much, it was just because I thought he liked me, so I forced feelings upon myself that otherwise would've just remained an, "oh, he's cute". When I was almost 14, and newly 14, I found Jesus. I started learning more about Him, and the life He had planned for me, and somehow in the process, I stumbled across the idea to write letters to, and pray for, my future husband. 

So, I started doing that. 

I had gotten myself to believe that this middle school crush was going to turn into something it wasn't, but when I would write to my "husband", or pray for him, I knew in my heart that this crush was not God's plan for me. I just didn't love God enough to surrender it to Him. 

And that's why this, frankly rather embarrassing, story is one I never tell. I hate admitting that I loved myself more than I loved God. I only wanted what I thought would make me happy, I refused to listen to the whisper in my soul saying, "trust Me." And because of that, when God finally got through to me, it had to hurt. That was the only way He could get me to listen. 

I was about halfway through my 14th year when I found out that *gasp* it was one-sided.

I had placed so much of my worth and sense of purpose in this silly little crush that when it was over, I didn't know what to do.
If you place someone or something on a pedestal, building it higher and higher over time, it WILL hurt when it all crumbles on top of you.

And it definitely did.

I had no idea what God's vision for love and attraction was. I wanted to care, but I loved myself more, and God needed to get through to me, so He took away my idol. 

And I am so beyond grateful that He did.

It forced me to pursue Him, and as I learned more about His design, and His love, it shifted my heart in ways I can't even begin to describe.

For the rest of my 14th year, and into my 15th, I started to pour myself into Him by studying His word, praying more, and really starting to truly trust Him with every aspect of my life, and I slowly learned that He truly is the only thing that can satisfy. 

He can write love stories that will put Hallmark movies to shame in the blink of an eye, He just wants you to trust Him even if He knows you're better off without one.

In the end, our earthly love lives won't matter. It's our love life with God that is the most important thing in this entire world, and that's a truth I sometimes still have to remind myself about, but it's so true.

He really does know us better than we do. Heck, if things would've worked out with my crush back then, I can almost promise that we'd be broken up by now, and I would've wasted all that time that I could've spent falling more in love with my King, Who will never leave or forsake me.

Part of me is silent about this topic because I'm ashamed of my past. 
 Another part is silent because I know I'm only a teenager, and older people tend to roll their eyes when a teenager talks about struggling in this area. More than one person has basically told me, "you're only 16, quit worrying about it, you don't really feel this way." Whenever I share the struggles I face in the area of attractions. I never "struggled" in that area from when I started noticing guys until I was 15, so I never really talked about it before, other than nonstop giggling to my friends who, for some reason, put up with my immaturity. But now, when things get brought up from time to time, I'm told what I know would've remained the same response had I struggled with my desires vs. my faith back when I had that crush. That I'm too young to deal with this.  I know I'm not "supposed" to wrestle with these things now, but I have and I do nonetheless, and part of me fears nobody will understand that.  
Still another part is silent because I don't want any of my guy friends reading this (probably none of you are, but if so, this bit is for you) to get freaked out thinking the guy I mention was them. Who it was doesn't matter, it's all past now, and I can assure you that even if I have, do, or will in the future fancy you, I have no intentions of anything but a brother/sister in Christ type of bond unless God leads otherwise on your part. 

But nevertheless, where the Spirit leads, I'm learning to follow. 

So here's the truth. The throwing-my-heart-out-in-the-open-for-all-to-see truth.

Yes, I've made mistakes. 

Yes, I've done and said things I regret.

Yes, I'm not perfect

But I believe in grace.

And yes, I still notice men 

Yes, I still want to get married one day (God willing)

Yes, I have to fight to surrender my feelings and desires sometimes 

But I believe in grace.

I am single and content because of grace.

I am able to say, "Not my will, but Yours be done." When a God-fearing man catches my eye now, because of grace.

And on that topic, I am only attracted to God-fearing men now because of grace. I never would've had the high standards that I do before I began to soak in God's grace.

I am able to fight for purity because of grace.

I am who I am because of grace.

Even though I fail every now and then, and I still struggle from time to time, I am forgiven daily because of God's great grace.

And that is why I am thrilled to be apart of this launch team.

Love defined by God is truly more beautiful than anything this world has to offer. 

And the best part is... True, satisfying love can be experienced even while you're single. 

If you want to read more about God's design for relationships and all things love, check out 'Love Defined' in stores May 1st! Link below to pre-order. 

May we always be women (and men if any of y'all are here) who define love God's beautiful way. Preorder link