Preparing for the Promise

How it began...

It started off as good stage chemistry... Apparently REALLY good stage chemistry.

We met through LifeLight Youth Theatre in late 2016, when Andrew was 15 and I was 14; but it took us until June 3rd of 2017 to finally start talking with each other. That first real conversation between us occurred at a cast party at IHOP on the closing night of the show Seussical, where I remember only choosing to sit across from him because he was sitting next to a guy I liked at the time who had told me earlier in the evening that he wanted to talk with me later that night. 

Little did I know while I was trying everything I could to be noticed by the boy to his left that my future husband was the one right in front of my eyes.

 Neither I nor Andrew remember anything we discussed that night, but Andrew remembers thinking after our conversation, “Wouldn't it be funny if anything ever happens between us? Then we could look back on this moment and laugh.”

However, nothing happened. At least not right away. People began to matchmake us together in their minds, even from that young age, but neither Andrew or I ever seriously considered the possibility of entering into a romantic relationship, and were barely friends at that. 

Turn the page to 2018...

 In early 2018, Andrew and my voice teacher decided to pair us together for a song she wanted us to do for the vocal recital that year. All of the practices for that broke the ice, and forced us to talk with one another more. We quickly realized that we enjoyed the other's company. By the time the recital rolled around, we were very comfortable around each other. Over the course of that summer, our friendship developed into a best friendship.

By August of 2018, during rehearsals for the show 'Oklahoma' (where we were playing opposite each other as the two lead love interests), we had both begun to develop a crush on the other; but we wouldn't ever have admitted it. We had both wasted our time focusing on crushes in the past, and had both come to the decision long ago that we weren’t going to date anyone in high school. Because of this, we both prayed about our developing feelings for each other every so often, but were quick to brush them aside and ignore them outside of prayer.

Yet as our friendship continued to develop, and we began to have deeper conversations, Andrew started to realize that his feelings for me were growing, and he wanted to pursue me. In fact, he left our first deep conversation about living for God as a teenager thinking, “wow. That’s the kind of girl I want to marry”.

However, he did not take the decision to pursue me lightly, and spent several months praying about it and seeking wisdom. I, on the other hand, was completely oblivious, and didn’t realize that there could have actually been something between us until early October of 2018, when a mutual friend strongly suggested to me that I should ask him to the spring formal because “he’d say yes to you”.

Once the thought was planted, I, too, began to spend months praying about it. Instead of just praying about it every so often, I began to take it to the Lord daily. I asked God to reveal to me what kind of a man this guy really was at the end of November, and a week later, my grandmother passed away. That may seem irrelevant, but guess who hugged me in the parking lot when I was leaving rehearsal to go say goodbye to my grandmother for the last time; gave me a ride to choir the next day because I didn’t have a car; tried to call me just to make sure I was okay; dropped everything he was doing to take me out to lunch on the day my grandmother died; gave me a ride to and from the production we were in the day after; encouraged and prayed for me nonstop; and was even planning on attending the visitation even though he had never met the woman?

By the end of that week, I knew in my heart that that was the kind of man I wanted to marry as well.

The feelings revealed...

I felt it heavily laid on my heart to pray for Andrew on the first day of 2019, though I had no idea why or even what to pray for. I spent the entire day praying for peace, guidance, wisdom, and various other things over him, and the next week-and-a-half praying specifically for God to let both of us know what to do about the possible relationship. At the same time, Andrew was praying very frequently about what to do about pursuing me, and was wrestling with the idea of letting me know how much he liked me while we were just 16 and 17. On January 13^th, I finally felt the pressing need to pray for it all subside; and on January 14th, 2019, at the end of our second rehearsal for the musical 'Peter Pan', Andrew felt God telling him that the time was right to tell me how he felt about me. Though he was unsure what would happen if he did, he listened to what he believed God was telling him to do, and on a cold Monday evening, with snow outside and next to nobody else around, he told me his thoughts in the café of the church where we met and fell in love at.

I was in so much shock that I was speechless, and instead of telling him any of the hundreds of things that I could have, I told him at the end of the night that I would, “get back to him when I could formulate words better”. Yes, that is a direct quote. I had plans to talk with him about it after choir the next day, and to ask him to wait a year so I could graduate high school first, but Andrew woke up that morning with a bad stomach bug and was unable to come to choir. I was super jumpy the whole day, especially around his sister Samantha who was the choir accompanist, and had no idea what to do next. I was going to talk with my parents about it after dinner that evening, but by the time that rolled around, I was bed-ridden and in seclusion with the same stomach bug Andrew had gotten.

We were each too sick to call, and neither one of us wanted to discuss the elephant in the room over text; so we just went about our week texting each other like we used to, as if nothing had ever gone down between us that Monday. Though it was a miserable and hilarious part of our relationship, all of that time spent in bed gave me time to think and pray about it, and I decided to change my mind on telling him to wait. 

On Monday, January 21^st, I told Andrew how I felt in return, and we went on our first date and became official on January 25^th. We danced through the hardships and joys of life together as boyfriend and girlfriend for the next 2 years, walking through the lowest of valleys and the highest of hills hand-in-hand, and through it all we grew deeper and deeper in love with each other, and above all, with our God. We found that we each possessed the ability to help each other in our faith and growth in ways that we hadn't experienced anyone else help us before, and that we each couldn't imagine our life without the other in it. Though we had known we desired to marry each other “one day” since pretty much the beginning, it wasn't until the COVID-19 crisis of 2020 when God revealed to both of us that “one day” was soon to be "today"...

2 months of not being able to see each other due to quarantine, a month of 6-feet-apart front porch dates, and several more months of mask-wearing dates were easily the most unique, and probably the most impactful, time in our entire dating relationship. We both grew so much, and by the end of that season, we were both ready for the next step.

MANY prayers went up for wisdom, providence, discernment, confirmation, and so on, regarding our relationship, during this time; and, as always, God showed up. He taught Andrew how to be a husband, and me how to be a wife, and we both realized that all along, through every trial we had experienced together that we would never want to do again… God was actually preparing us for the promise.

The engagement...

By December of 2020, we had decided that we were ready to move forward into engagement, with hopes of getting married by the end of 2022, when Andrew would be finishing his last year of college. We prayed about it for over a month, and then felt that we had a confirmation to move forward. 

On May 18^th of 2021, Andrew took me to Faust park, the park where I had spent many years giggling and dreaming as a child; brought me under a red bud tree, like the one we had danced under on the night of Andrew’s senior prom in 2019; got down on one knee; and asked me to marry him. I was happier than I'd ever been, and felt as though I were dreaming. I knew this day was coming, I had suspected since the night before that it would be on that day, and it felt fully natural and normal... and yet, for a moment, fears flashed through my mind. Fears about my health journey that I will not elaborate on in this post, but that has been a struggle for me in every way - mentally and physically - since late 2018. Fears about the unknowns of the future. Fears and grief about feeling continually stuck in my PTSD and anxiety while wanting to soak in every moment of the engagement.

These voices all flashed through my head in an instant, but what overpowered them all was the Voice of The Holy Spirit. I felt this overwhelming sense of peace break the chains of the voices of torment, and it felt like God was speaking to me Himself and saying, "Jaléna... Whatever happens, I'm in control. It's safe to say 'yes'." 

That was enough for me. My flesh was scared, but my spirit was stronger. And my spirit reminded me that even if things were going to go differently from how we wanted them to, God always has better in mind for His children. It was safe to accept this gift, not because I was promised perfect health, a certain number of years with this man, or even our wedding date! But because I could trust that God works out all things for good, even when they don't feel good, and that He promises to walk with us through it all.

The wedding countdown begins...

I gave the biggest smile of my life, I'm fully convinced of that, and said to this gift from God on his knee in front of me, "yes!! Of course I will!!!!" And suddenly, all the voices of fear and doubt melted away, and I felt more free than I had in a long time. Andrew picked me up and spun me around, and I felt as though I were soaring through the air like a free bird, maybe like one of those sparrows that God promises to always look after. His mom, my parents, and his two sisters were there, hiding and taking pictures and video of us, and we ran to greet them as soon as he put me down and placed a ring that I still think was literally taken from my dreams on my finger. After we all talked for awhile, and took some more photos, our families left, and he and I went to a picnic table to process what just happened and to eat some lunch. It rained on us while we were eating, and it had been raining the entire day leading up to that moment. I smiled under the umbrella as the rain poured down around us because it felt as though God was reminding me of another little blessing He was giving us- He cleared the rain away just so that we could get engaged.

The day we had been dreaming of for so long went by so fast, and before we knew it, we had set a date and wedding planning had begun! 

Throughout the 19 months of engagement, from May of '21 to December of '22, we two high school sweethearts have faced several major life changes, as well as several challenges in just about every area you could imagine. We have wrestled with jealousy and impatience. We have been so tired. We have struggled to give grace to the other, and have learned to lean on Jesus for strength to forgive even the most minor of inconveniences. And yet through it all we have seen evidence of the God it is we serve and want to tell the world of. God Who makes beauty from ashes, and hope from pain.

He has always taken care of us, and always proven trustworthy even when we're biting our lips and holding our breaths looking at the present reality and wondering how we're gonna make it. Our engagement season was hard, long, and stressful... but also so beautiful, bright, and good, and worked wonders to prepare us both for the marriage we so eagerly awaited. We wouldn't change a thing, and loved every minute. Yes, even the ones that brought us to our knees in tears. For it was through those tears and on those knees that we discovered God in ways we never would have had things gone the way we planned.

"I do"...

December 17^th of 2022 is the day we have been waiting and praying for since we were 16 and 17. Though we are uncertain what the future holds, or even what this long-dreamed-for day holds, we know Who holds it all, and we know He can ALWAYS be trusted to write your story.

 We are grateful for every trial and every pain that we have worked through and walked through together over these last four years. Because only when love has been tested and proved can you rest in the knowledge that your love is true. Not an emotion, but a choice. And one we’re learning to keep on leaning on Jesus to make every day of our lives. 

Today, I'm a bride. In just a few hours, I will walk the halls of the church we met at, which I now call my own, and will get to see the smiling faces of my four dear sisters who have cheered me on through all of life's battles. I'll get to put on my wedding dress; and will share laughter and memories, and perhaps a few tears, with everyone who is present. I'll get to see my dad look at me all dressed up, knowing that in his eyes I'm still that little girl wearing that pink princess dress that I refused to take off, and asking to dance with him every chance we got. That well-loved dress may have gotten an upgrade, but that little girl's still there. And he'll walk me down the aisle, sharing with me the moment I begged God to let him stay alive for when he was dying in the ICU after suffering a brain bleed stroke in 2019. Except God didn't just let him live, He also made sure that those words they said wouldn't return, and that right side they thought wouldn't be of much use anymore, all were restored. And satan tried to rob that gift from us a week before this day, leaving my dad back in the hospital until Monday the 12th; but God still, in His grace, gave us that moment.

And as I'll be pondering all of these things in my heart, and trying not to cry... I'll see my groom at the end of the aisle, and I'll get to meet his eye. And I'll know deep inside, as all these things take part, that really, this day, my whole life, reflects God's heart. And every hour I spent wondering where He could be, every prayer that I prayed, this whole day He would see! And He knew that if only I chose to hold on, He'd return, though much better, all that once had been gone. 

So today, this bride wanted to share with you her heart. Because I want you to know what led up to today's brand new start. I want you to know just a glimpse of what our God can do. So on this, our wedding day, I pray His love speaks to you.

19

 

February 12th, 2021, the day of my 19th birthday. My oh my how things have changed since my last birthday. Putting myself back in the shoes of the 17-year-old girl who was writing down her thoughts and reflections about turning 18, I had absolutely no idea what the year ahead had in store. Last birthday was pre-lockdown. Last birthday, I was still numb and questioning my faith. Last birthday, I was literally stressing and worrying myself sick, causing me to have all sorts of issues in my digestive system and in my adrenals. Last birthday, I was jobless, collegeless, and had no idea where I would be after the graduation that was coming up in just 3 short months. Last birthday, I was nervous at the thought of adulthood! Last birthday, I was still in highschool. Last birthday, I hadn't yet been chosen to give the speech at my class's graduation ceremony, and had only JUST signed up to audition to do it the night before. Last birthday, I wasn't teaching music or working with a ministry. Last birthday, I had hopes of being engaged by this birthday (my boyfriend knows this and we've had many long discussions about our "plan", so don't anybody out there think that this is a passive aggressive hint, haha!). Last birthday, I was physically losing my voice due to stress causing too much tension and pressure on my vocal cords and upper back/shoulders. Last birthday, meeting with Jesus was more of a chore than a thrill for me. Last birthday, I had shorter hair! Though let's be honest, nobody really noticed 😜. Last birthday, I still had walls up around my heart that were keeping me from fully being able to love and experience the joy of being loved, and was only just starting to let them down (for an example for context, I made my boyfriend wait to tell me he loved me for over a year, and had only just told him 11 days before my 18th birthday that I was finally ready to open up my heart and take a major step towards recovering from being numb by letting myself take the risk of outwardly expressing inward feelings). Last birthday, my friends and the people I was around looked a lot different than they do now, let's just say that much! Last birthday, my words had been slowly fading away, and I thought about stopping writing all together. Last birthday, I was so afraid of what other people thought of me that I hadn't yet taken the time to consider what I thought of me, and more importantly what God thinks of me. Last birthday, I was a kid! And now, here I am, my last birthday as a teenager, and my first time entering a birthday as an adult and not a child. There is SO much more that I could write about what all has changed between last birthday and this one, but I'll keep this short and just say that God's been doing a mighty work. I still have so much to learn, and I'm currently on a long and hard road back to the life of freedom from the chains of my shame and of my memories, but unlike last birthday, I have hope that I'll live to see the beautiful view at the end of this journey. I am SO far from perfect, and I never want anyone to get the impression that I am or that I am trying to be. Sometimes I do admittedly put on a fake sort of "perfection" appearance to cover up how messed up and broken I really am, but I am working to throw that cover away and tap into what it is I really feel, and who it is I really am, once more. Just like that 15-year-old girl did who started sharing her writings, as raw and real as they were, simply because she knew that God speaks to others through the power of relatability. I want to go back to that, for as long as I exist on this earth. I fear every day of my life that something traumatic is going to happen, or that I or someone I love will have a medical emergency and die. I fear walking away from the Truth, and what would happen if I were to grow lukewarm in my faith. I fear what 19 is going to bring, after such a long and hard two years of life have never seemed to end... but despite my fears and humanity, I'm learning every day that God can be trusted. I have so many questions for Him, but I'm learning that He's not afraid to hear them, even if some of His people are. I'm learning that He knows what He's doing, and that I don't deserve His love and protection and grace, but that He gives it freely even when I'm on my face sobbing because I feel the weight of my sin. I'm learning He came to take that weight away, and that nothing is too heavy for Him to hold. I'm learning that perfect Love casts out ALL fear, and that my life is not my own, and my blessings can never be earned. I'm learning that, though at times I feel as though my cup is too much for me, God never makes a mistake in giving us exactly what He knows we can handle- with Him. I'm learning how to dance and sing for Him again. I'm learning how to rest in the confidence that, as my grandfather often said, "the good Lord will take care of me", and everyone I love also. I'm learning how to feel again, and how to take time to process what it is I do feel. I may not be perfect, but what I can tell you is that when I look at myself from this year compared to last year... I see growth. It wasn't an easy growth, but the kind of growth that came through many tears, "whys?", and sleepless nights. I see a peace on my face that wasn't there a year ago. I see a hope in my eyes, and a light that's learning that it has an invitation to break free again. I see a creation that has been formed by God, and that is exactly what and where it is meant to be, and I believe with all of my heart that He will complete the work that He has so beautifully begun in this being. I hope 19 teaches me more and more how to be free, and that by this time next year, when I'm facing 20, I can report that, despite the memories and the things that have tried to drag me down, my God lifted me up out of the pit. Somehow, I believe that that will be my story a year from now, and I will do all that I can to fight to make that story a reality, putting my full trust in the only One Who can truly make it so. I'm happy. I'm not perfect, and I'm not always put together, more often than not I'm a mess just like anybody else... but I'm happy. Because my God is amazing, and I look at my short life and see how merciful and kind He has been to a broken mess like me, who could give Him nothing but a stained and torn heart in return. He makes beautiful things out of brokenness, friends. I want 19 to be the year I share that Truth with every breath I breathe. 

How wonderful life is, scars and pain and all. Our God is bigger, and will never, ever fall. 

Maybe Next Year...

As the new year begins, many of us find ourselves saying, "maybe this will be the year..."

Sure, last year was a challenge for us all, but surely THIS will be the year we've been waiting for. Surely this will bring the freedom, change, hope, and contentment that we longed for 2020 to bring. 

But then, reread that last sentence... we longed for 2020 to bring what we're now longing for 2021 to bring. Many of us entered last new year with the same kind of excitement and hope that we now are entering 2021 with because we witnessed it get quickly crushed in 2020, and we were then left with many unmet desires that we're hoping will be met in 2021. 

But what if they're not? I don't mean to sound depressing, and I truthfully am hoping for exciting change in this new year as well!... but what if we don't get that? What if our desires that we've been expecting 2021 to meet go unmet for another year? Or two? Or three? Or twenty?

What then?

You may be entering this year with a loss. A lot of us are, sadly. 2020 was a year filled with loss and change. Now, many of us enter with some form of grief from our former life, as well as many questions about what to do now. Did 2020 change all of your plans for your future, too? Postpone them? Destroy them? Are you facing life now without a person or a thing that you clung to dearly, and don't know how to do life without?

I know many of you are hoping for answers, positive life circumstance changes, and for hope to finally be proved worth it, and I hope the same for each of you!! But what if this year is harder than the last? What if it's just the same? What if things don't change for the better? What if they don't change at all? 

The problem we face is that we tend to try to control the things beyond our control. We say things like, "maybe this will be the year when I finally get that job", or, "maybe this will be the year I finally get that relationship", or, "maybe this will be the year I finally have a child", or anything else that you can fill in the blank. We focus so much on those hopes that we end up unknowingly putting our hope IN those things rather than in the One Who controls them. If our hope is in anything but Jesus, it will fail. It will disappoint us. We can't even control these things, let alone find satisfaction from them. I know it feels like such a lie when it seems like once these things you're hoping in happen, THEN you will be happy... but you won't be. Not until you search for that happiness right where you are. 

I don't know if this will be the year when your dreams come true, or if this will be another year of disappointment. But what I do know is that a great place to start off this new year, is by putting your hope in Jesus. Focus on His goodness, and in His perfect plan and timing, and focus on changing only the things you can control instead of hoping for the things you can't control to change. Maybe this will be the year when we learn to have joy even when we don't feel happy. Maybe this will be the year when we finally start reading our Bibles again, and the words start to make sense. Maybe this will be the year when we devote our lives to the Lord, and step into all that He has planned for us. Maybe this will be the year when we find freedom from what others think, because this year we're devoting ourselves to only listening to what God thinks. 

I don't know what 2021 will bring for us all... but come what may, I pray that this is the year we find a peace that makes no sense in the middle of all of this chaos. A steadiness of our lives in the middle of the world's earthquake. 

Maybe this will be the year of freedom. 

I'm praying that over everyone reading this today. Welcome to 2021, my friends. Come what may, God is still on the throne.

Light In the Darkness

"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone. You have multiplied the nation; You have increased its joy; they rejoice before You as with joy at the harvest, as they are glad when they divide the spoil.

"For the yoke of his burden, and the staff for his shoulder, the rod of his oppressor, You have broken as on the day of Midian. For every boot of the tramping warrior in battle tumult and every garment rolled in blood will be burned as fuel for the fire.

"For to us a child is born, to us a Son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore.

"The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this." -Isaiah 9:2-7

After the year we've all had, these words take on a whole new meaning this Christmas, don't they? 

Just imagine what that must've felt like for those who understood that Jesus was the fulfillment of this prophecy, after more than 400 years of waiting for this promised Hope.

All they knew was slavery, and this was their promise that they were to be free. 

For many of those He healed, all they knew was sickness and pain. This was their promise that they were to be free.

It's an assurance that we are not alone, and that this life is not all there is. Because of Jesus, when we face difficult trials and misery, we can rejoice in the promise that all of that darkness is going to be over one day, because the Light has come. 

In the middle of all of our hopelessness and darkness this year, a Light has come. In the shadows of doubt and pain, we have a Light brightening it all, and promising to one day destroy the darkness forevermore.

On this Christmas, I pray we all remember this hope, and that it takes on a whole new meaning this year that we remember for the rest of our lives. There is hope. There is victory. Death has lost, and we are free through Him. What a wonderful thing to celebrate!  

Merry Christmas, everyone. I pray you all have an incredible holiday, and a wonderful and redemptive end to your year. 

The Best Is Yet to Come

One of the biggest lies that the devil throws at us is that we’re stuck. That our lives are over, and that nothing good will ever come to us again, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Often times, this lie tends to go hand in hand with a deep guilt over something that we’ve done, and we find ourselves believing that nothing good can ever come our way again, or ever stick around, because of the mistakes we’ve made in the past.

Many of us have found ourselves believing those lies at some point or another, and you may be wrestling those lies right now. If you are, I want you this post to be as if I’m speaking directly to you. No matter what you’ve done, or what you feel, your story is not over yet. And you know what’s more?

The best is yet to come.

Your life is not over; it’s only just beginning!!!! I don’t know the number of your days, but I don’t need to to know that this truth applies to you. Jesus came into this world to save us from our guilt, and all of our sins. Through Him, you are free. He loves you so much that He wants you to have good and perfect gifts. He wants to not only get you out of hard circumstances, but He wants to completely remove the grip that those past or present struggles have on you. You know how I know? Isaiah 43:18-19. John 3:16-17. James 1:17. There are so many verses that back this truth up!

When we give our hearts to Jesus, and choose to live for Him from there on out (repenting of our sins whenever we feel the conviction, relying on the power of the Holy Spirit to help us live a life of righteousness, spending time with Jesus in prayer and in praise and the Word, and so forth), He WANTS us to have hope and a future. He WANTS us to be free from guilt, shame, and all grips of darkness. We can rest in the reality that who Jesus is is enough, and is the answer to everything we face, and that our best is then yet to come. We will experience greater joy, peace, and freedom than we ever have in our lives. Even if our days from there are short, or we struggle with hard battles for more days than we wish we did, this truth still remains because we then have the hope of Heaven!!

It all boils down to this: do you believe that Jesus is who He says He is? That He loves you more than anyone or anything else out there? That He loves you even when you don’t love yourself? That He wants your best even when you’re at your worst? That He can do miracles? That He’s still good and loving if He doesn’t? Or if it doesn’t feel like it?

When we get to the point where we believe that… everything changes. There is newfound strength, joy, peace, freedom, excitement, and hope. No longer do our hopeless situations define us. No longer do the hard things in life cause us to crumble under the weight. He renews our strength so we soar on wings like the eagles. No longer are we a slave to sin, but we are alive in Christ!! And we don’t deserve it. And it sounds too good to be true… but He is the God of too good to be true. Except with Him, it’s true. The question is, do we believe that?

Are we willing to let go of our doubts and believe that? Even though it’s hard? Are we willing to live for Him even when it’s not comfortable? Do we really believe that Jesus is who He says He is?

Once we believe that, we can’t help but live for Him, because we know that it’s the least we can do. Once we live for Him, the best is always yet to come. Whether we’re at our worst, or our best in this life, we still have Heaven to look forward to, which will forever be better than the best we can ever imagine. You’re not stuck. Things aren’t hopeless. Your life is not over. Do you believe?

And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free...

Look for the Light

There's a quote I found awhile ago that really hit me, and I want to share it with you all today. It says, "We are too prone to engrave our trials in marble and write our blessings in sand". It stuck out to me because of something that I've been feeling laid on my heart lately, and that is a simple sentence that makes up the title of this blog post: look for the light.

I've noticed how many of us tend to forget that there is any good happening whenever something bad occurs in our lives. Whether it be something that's happening, or has happened, to us, someone we love, or in the world around us, it's so easy to let the bad things (the dark) get under our skin, and for it to cause us to forget about all of the good things (the light) in and around us! That doesn't mean that it's wrong to acknowledge the bad and hard things in life, but we have to be watchful to make sure that we don't fall into the trap of forgetting all of the good things by dwelling on the bad stuff. 

I wrote a poem about this on my poetry blog that I want to share on here also. It's short, and maybe you've already seen it, but I feel like it sums up this point really well. 

"Look for the light. No matter how dark the night, or how long and tiring the fight, look for the light. No matter what feels right, or how it doesn't seem very bright, look for the light.

"No matter how scared you are, or when you can't see the stars, there's always a flicker hidden away. No matter how sick you feel, or how hope seems unreal, in the darkness you don't have to stay.

"Breathe in, breathe out, and then do it again. The night's nearly over; this moment will end. Breathe in, breathe out, and just choose to be still. The light is returning; it always will.

"Your story's not over, a miracle's here. There's always one out there. Look for the light, and watch the dark disappear. Fight on, fighter. Look for the light whenever you're down. I promise He's stronger, and He can turn it around.

"He's fighting His way through your darkness of fear. Look for the Light and watch the dark disappear."

If you find yourself facing dark things, I encourage you to look for the light. If you can't even find anything there, look for the Light (Jesus) that lights up all darkness forever. I promise you that it's there. 

What's With the Ring?

I've had many people over the years ask me what the silver ring on my left ring finger is about. I've been wearing it every day since I was about 14, and as I've gotten older, many have mistook it for an engagement ring, or some sort of promise ring. I realize that I've never really explained before what it's about or why I wear it, so I thought I would make a post to answer any questions anyone may have about it. 

 

First off, let me start with a backstory. I grew up in a Christian household. I've believed in God my entire life, and was raised in the church. However, I didn't truly get to know the God I believed in until I was almost 14. I was going through a very lonely time in my life, and decided to turn to Jesus to see if it would help satisfy my longing for companionship. 

I began to get in the Word every day, talk with God as though He were my best friend (telling Him everything and coming to Him anywhere), cleaning out all of the entertainment and things in my life that were not glorifying to Him, really listening in church, looking for God-honoring friends and role models, and started trying to use every gift, interest, and breath I had to give God glory. It wasn't an instant fix, but the beginning of a beautiful and fulfilling journey. 

 My dream since I can remember has been to get married by 21, have a bunch of kids, live out somewhere with lots of land, and just be a big, musical, Jesus-loving, homeschool family. Sounds cheesy, I know, but that's the life that I've wanted for years, and I especially looked forward to it at 14. When I was looking for new role models who glorified God with their lives, I found many Jesus-loving women, couples, and families who I noticed were different. I didn't know why, but when I was looking to find out, I discovered that the reason why is because they all pursued purity with their lives. Not just virginity until marriage, but the kind of true purity that we are all called to pursue as Christians, whether or not we are virgins. 

I dug deeper into this idea, and started to see what a difference it makes in one's life when they are pursuing living a life that is pure and holy in God's sight, in public and behind closed doors, and I started trying to live a life like that. However, I still longed deeply for the day when I would be married or engaged, and I wanted something as a reminder that I could live a life to the full even as an unmarried teenager, and something to remind me that I am not alone, and to help me take my mind off of how deeply I wanted to be with someone one day. 

I found out that there was such a thing called "purity rings" that some Christian girls would wear until they were married and no longer virgins. While I liked the idea of waiting until marriage, and of having a special ring to wear to remind you of your commitment to do so, I also had issues with the stereotype of it all. I saw many put so much pressure on simply waiting, that they failed to get to the depths of what true purity is (which is SO much more than just being a virgin), and many didn't touch on the fact that we are called to pursue purity even after we are married. I wanted to pursue purity with my life, and I also wanted to wait until marriage. I didn't want to do one without the other, and I didn't want to spread one message but not the other by my decision to wear a purity ring. 

I thought and prayed about it a lot, and then decided to go through with it and purchase a ring, to serve as the reminders that I needed that I am not alone, and that I am committed to God first and foremost even if I never do get married. However, the ring that I purchased is a promise ring by title, not a traditional "true love waits" purity ring. I don't have anything wrong with those rings, but again, I just wanted to remember that my decisions to pursue purity with my life, and to wait until marriage, are rooted in my commitment to God, and nothing else. I want to respect and honor my future husband because I know he is God's child, and I respect and honor my King first. I want my future husband to be the only man I give myself to, out of respect for him, but ultimately out of respect for God! Because I know that that is how He designed it to be in the beginning. Does that mean that I see myself as "holier than thou", or that I judge others who have not made that decision? No. That ruins the point. It means that I wear this ring as a reminder that I am just as dirty and sinful as anyone else, without the precious blood of Christ washing me white as snow. I wear this ring as a reminder that He is with me wherever I go, and that I can experience the depth of His love even without a man's. I wear this ring as a reminder that I am married to Jesus above all else, and that I will follow Him for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for as long as I live. 

This ring is my reminder that, even though I am unmarried, I still have a commitment to Jesus, and that will not change even once I am married. When I am married, this ring will be replaced, but my mission remains the same. I am called to honor God with my thoughts, work, actions, words, gifts, body, and everything else, and that will never change. 

So there you have it! That's what my ring is all about. It sounds kinda silly, I know, but it's a precious reminder to me of my commitment to the One I owe everything to, and I love wearing it. Though I eagerly await the day when I will be wearing an engagement ring with a wedding band, I cherish these days when the only One I'm committed to for forever is the One Who loves me more than anyone else, and knew me from the beginning of time. It is only with His help that I will one day be able to commit forever to another flawed human like myself, and only with His help that I will be able to be washed white time and time again for the rest of my life whenever I mess up, and truly be able to live the life of purity which I am called to. 

Nothing but the blood of Jesus can make us pure. No matter what we've done, or how many times we make mistakes, He is always willing to take us back with open arms if we are willing to turn from our distractions and return to Him. Only He knows what is best for us, and only with Him will we find the deep satisfaction and companionship that we desire. I hope and pray that everyone reading this today, whether they agree with all I said or not, will come to know the deep, incredible, rich love and grace of Jesus. 

There truly isn't anything else like it.

He Is Before ALL Things

For my 18th birthday, one of my closest friends got me a mug as part of a birthday gift. On the mug there are five simple words: "He is before all things". When I received this mug, I thought it was lovely, but I had no idea how much I would need the words printed on it in the months to come. 

Just a month after I was given this gift, COVID-19 lockdown began, which led to an unexpected and crazy ride for every person everywhere that continues to the present. I, along with millions of others, went through intense stress during all of the changes of everything, and I found myself asking God many questions. In the middle of all the chaos, both in the world and in my own life, I paused one morning while drinking some tea out of that mug and read what was printed on it. I had read it so many times before... but somehow, in that moment, the Holy Spirit spoke to me deeply through it. 

I felt as though He was saying, "Jaléna... I've always known all of this. Fear not. I know how this is going to work out. All of it". That brought so much peace to my heart in the moment, and it has been something that I've been clinging to ever since. Every illness, hardship, lay off, waiting period, complication, plague, election, emergency, attack, battle... He knows about it all, and He has known about it all since the beginning of time. He has always been before it all, and He had to give permission for those things to come to pass. That means that He is still in control, even when things seem out of control, and that we can trust Him through it all. 

But if all of that is true, then why do we fear things that we can't control? Why do we fear the unknown? If God is above it all, then why are we afraid of it all? 

It's because we often forget that truth, and we need to constantly remind our souls about it. Truthfully, there is absolutely nothing to fear. Yes, the things of this world are scary, and there are so many things that can go wrong with anything, but God is before it all! He will not allow something to happen without providing a way through it. He will either protect us from even facing the things we fear in the first place, or He will walk with us and comfort us as we face them. Either way, we can rest assured that He has a purpose for everything, He is still protecting us while we face troubles and fears, and He will help us through this life.

If He is before all things, then that means that He not only knew everything before it happened, but also that He continues to know everything before it happens. He knows what will come our way in the future, and how every day will look. He knows when we'll face future trials, and how we will get through them. He knows when we'll have hard days, and when we're have wonderful days, and He knows how every mystery will unfold. Like the author of a novel, He has beautifully written every word, every chapter, and every book of all of our lives, and He is not caught off guard by reading any plot twists. You can trust God to write your story, because He already knows how every page of it looks! 

Just think of it this way. We look back all throughout history, and we see how things worked out even when it seemed hopeless. The people living in the time when the history was the present would've most likely felt very scared, worried, and hopeless, just like we feel when we find ourselves in the middle of living the hard things that will one day be history. However, we're not usually worried when hearing about what's history, because we know the ending! We know how and when things got better, and knowing that brings us peace. God knows exactly how and when things will get better for us, and invites us to live in the peace of trusting that one day it will all make sense, and that things will always work out for the better. All things work together for the good of those who love Him, and that is a promise we can cling to. 

Whatever it is you're facing or fearing now, and whatever may come your way... I hope you remember that God will carry you through. Nothing takes Him by surprise, and nothing ever will. He promises to walk with you through it all (Isaiah 43:2), and you can trust Him to write your story beautifully. One of these days, you'll read back what you're living now, and you will get to tell everyone all about how God proved that He is Who He says He is, and that He truly is before all things. Until that day comes, I pray that you can imagine it now, and that that thought fills you with peace and joy. 

We don't have to fear. He is before ALL things. 

One Day...

"One day, I'll have my own space and be able to do whatever I want with it, and then I'll be happy..."

"One day, I'll get a boyfriend, and then I'll be happy..."

"One day, I'll have a job, and then I'll be happy..."

"One day, I'll have a pet to keep me company, and then I'll be happy..."

"One day, I'll find good friends I can count on, and then I'll be happy..."

"One day, I'll be married, and then I'll be happy..."

"One day, I'll have children of my own, and then I'll be happy..."

"One day, I'll be graduated, and then I'll be happy..."

"One day... and then I'll be happy", "I may not be content where I am NOW, but I know I will be one day".

How many times, if we're being honest, have we thought this same thing? I can give plenty of examples from my own life of times when I've been looking to "one day" as my source of contentment or happiness. There are so many moments in my life where I have been just existing from day to day, waiting to truly live until "one day" when everything would somehow magically be ideal, and I would transform into a content, happy, peaceful, joy-filled woman. 

In fact, my "one day" for most of my middle and high school years was the day I would become a girlfriend, get a job, have friends who stick by me and encourage me and pray for me no matter what, become an adult, graduate from student life, and start life on my own. Pretty much... exactly the life I live now. And yet, I've come to realize a truth that honestly really surprised me even though I had heard many other people say it before... one of these days will be your "one day"; and then it'll go by, and you'll wake up the next day, and then the next day, and then the next day, and then the next day... time keeps on moving, and if you hold back from truly living your life to the full wherever you are now, and refuse to work hard at learning how to be content in your present circumstances even if they aren't desirable, then you will wake up the day after "one day" and realize that you're just as unsatisfied as you were before. 

You see, the truth of it is that "one day" is just that- one day. It comes and it goes, and then your life moves on like before. As much as you wish you could pause time, it seems to instead fly by faster on the days you wish you could freeze forever. Time keeps on moving, life keeps on going, we develop new dreams and "one day" hopes, and then we reach those, too; and before we know it, our dreams are all memories. It's a seemingly sobering statement, but it doesn't have to be. 

Think about it. If the days we so look forward to right now are truthfully just days that will come and go, then don't these days we're in currently have a unique beauty to them worthy of allowing ourselves to enjoy? Doesn't that mean that the anticipation is part of what makes the fulfillment valuable? 

We can never go back and change a memory. We can never go back to the way things were before once "one day" is in the past. We will never be able to dream of what could be anymore, but will instead find ourselves reflecting on what already was. So in these days of longing and waiting, why don't we allow ourselves to enjoy the beauty of the anticipation of "one day", instead of constantly wishing we could just skip to it? Why don't we let ourselves daydream here and there, learn all we can from those who have already traveled through the seasons of life we long for, and let ourselves be who we are made to be right now? Why don't we focus on growing stronger, braver, deeper in faith, less selfish, more humble, alive and awake? 

We aren't promised anything in life, not even our next breath. We aren't entitled to anything, and truthfully we already have more than we deserve. Though it's not wrong to long for a dream to come true, and all of us will experience times of struggle in the waiting, there is so much to be thankful for right now, and a beauty in life out there waiting to be discovered that won't get any more or less beautiful once "one day" comes.

You may not be where you long to be yet, but you're closer than you were yesterday. And with every breath, every step, every minute, and every day, you are nearing the reality of the life you're working for and dreaming of. Let that truth encourage you to make the most of every day. You may not be where you wish you were, but my friend, you're on your way. 

Don't forget to enjoy the scenery as you travel through this life. <3

Letting Go

At my work, I sit by a wall of windows with a clear door for most of the day. Looking out those windows, across the street, are a bunch of trees. Week after week, I've been watching these trees slowly start to change colors with the fall. It's been such a slow process, that I often overlook just how much has truly changed, because it just isn't all that noticeable when it's little by little. However, this past week... I noticed. 

You see, my family and I have been in a tough season for the past two years now. Lately, I've been feeling as though God has been saying to my heart that it's finally time for a new season. The change was barely noticeable, only little by little and day by day, and just when we thought things were getting better... this past Monday, my grandpa passed away. It was a peaceful passing, after a tough and long battle with so many different things, and he was finally able to be reunited with his "blue-eyed bride" who passed away two years ago in December... but even though it was something that he was ready for, and something that we all had a lot of time to prepare for, and that put him out of his misery, the loss of a loved one is never easy. I found out the news as I was heading out the door to go to work, and spent the rest of the day in a weird sort of dream-like daze, not knowing if anything was really happening. 

I was talking with God all day, and asking Him to help me process things and help me see what He was trying to say... and then I noticed the trees that I'd been watching every week. Suddenly, they were all completely changed. The colors were vibrant, and everything was so noticeably, beautifully different. I felt as though God was saying to me, "Do you see that? It's new now. It's a new season. I'm paving the way for new life to come. Do you believe that everything is going to be okay? And that it's time to let go?". 

Life is honestly all about letting go. Time goes on, and we're letting go of something every moment. You'd think it'd be something super easy for us to do, since we're faced with it every day... and yet probably the hardest thing to do in this life is to let go. Whether it's letting go of a loved one, a shattered dream, a relationship, fear, control, or anything else, letting go is hard, painful, and undesirable. The thought of it all led me to write a short poem in my journal that I wanted to share with you all today. 

"The seasons never fail to change right when their time has come. And yet, I don't trust my God to change my seasons, too, even though I see each day the many things He's done. What sense is that? To not surrender to an ever-loving and faithful King? If I trust in Him to change my seasons, new life He will always bring. I think the key lies in a gift called by the name 'free will'. The seasons change, but they have no choice, I have to choose to let go even still. I have to choose to let my leaves fall down, not knowing what will happen. I have to choose to rise above the fear I'm feeling rather trapped in. It's all my choice to hold on alone, or let go, walking on with Him. I choose to choose the latter, and I'm ready now to watch life grow from within."

Letting go is so hard, and something that we each have to do again and again every single day. But we can rest in the truth that when God has us let go of something, or someone, He will never leave us there. He will walk with us every step of the way, and He will bring new life from our hardest seasons. 

God is with us in every season of letting go. Though it's so hard and painful, and often scary, and we don't know what will come... He knows. He's got us all under the covering of His loving arms, and He won't ever let us go. 

Even when we're letting go.

May we never let go of Him no matter what else falls away. 

I love you, grandpa. Thank you so much for living your life to honor Christ, serving with all of your heart, and loving your wife, kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, and every other person God put in your path faithfully and fully. We're all better people because of you, and so thankful to God for your life and legacy. I cannot wait to see you and grandma again, and get to worship Jesus with you both by my side once more. Until that day, I can only hope and pray that my life will be able to point up to Jesus as much as yours did. Thank you for everything. I'll see you in a little while. 

Cover Your Ears

On Labor Day this year, there was an incident regarding broiling some hot dogs and our smoke detector... Everything was fine, but until we could get the smoke detector to realize that there was no fire, it set off this LOUD alarm that cut through every wall and room of the house. It went off for several minutes, with the patterned "BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!" ringing out each time, until it finally realized that all the smoke was gone and there was nothing to alert us of. However, after the last "BEEP!" faded away, I noticed that my left ear was still ringing along with the pattern of the beeps. I could still hear a faint beeping, even though it wasn't going off physically anymore, simply because I had not covered my ears to protect them from the after effects while the noise was occurring. I assumed that, though it was loud, I was far enough away that I wouldn't need to (I had been in a different room). 

When the ringing carried on for the next few days, I began to wish I had covered my ears when I still had the chance to protect them. 

Now, for those of you who are concerned, don't worry. It faded away eventually. But the whole thing made me realize something that hit me pretty hard... It felt as though the Holy Spirit was convicting me that I needed to "cover my ears" because of something other than an alarm...

I realized that, in the same way the loud beeping had left my ears ringing with the rhythm for the next few days, I had lies ringing through my mind simply because I had not been mindful to "cover my ears" to prevent them. I was allowing my mind to dwell on thoughts like "it's hopeless", "you're not good enough", "God doesn't really care about you", "you're never going to be able to be free", "your prayers aren't being heard", "God can't forgive you for that", "God's punishing you", "doing this sin just this once won't hurt anything", "God can't help you out of this one", and so on and so forth. Instead of using the power of the Holy Spirit to "cover my ears" when I heard the first lie, and to tell those lies the truth found in Scripture, I had let these lies take over my mind, and I was finding it hard to focus on anything else. 

I had wasted so much of my time listening to these lies, and believing them to the point of constantly being in a state of hopelessness, and as I said in my last post, feeling abandoned by and distant from God. I never would've realized it without the Holy Spirit, but I truly was ignoring the Truth simply because I had ALLOWED the voices telling me lies to dwell in my mind. Because I didn't just cover my ears, and rebuke those lies in the name of Jesus, the moment I FIRST recognized them, they multiplied and made a home in me that they know full well they should by no means be doing to a child of God. They saw an opportunity and took it, and it led me to over a year's worth of mental battles that could've all been avoided had I simply covered my ears. 

I write this to encourage those of you who are reading to really take seriously the things that are being put into you, and the thoughts that are floating around your mind. Have you been listening to some lies lately? Do you find yourself thinking things that are opposite of the Truth? Do you allow yourself to listen to, read, or watch things that are helping the lies look more and more like truth? 

Though we will never be able to get rid of the noise of the lies entirely in this life, we have the choice whether or not we're going to let them damage us. We have a choice whether or not we're going to listen to them, and let them stay in us. God promises to always provide a way out of temptation, as well as freedom if we resist the devil, and if we seek His face and the way out. 

It's not too late to fight back the lies with Truth. No matter how long they've been ringing through your mind, and no matter how much damage they've caused, there is hope and freedom if you choose to seek it and cling to it. It's a daily choice that we have to make, and it isn't always easy... but it is SO worth it. 

 I want to close today by taking a few moments to speak some truths over you all that some of you may be in need of hearing. I encourage you to speak these over the lies you face in life, and to constantly cling to them even when you don't believe that they are true. 

For those who believe that you are worthless, I tell you the truth that you are valuable and loved (Psalm 139:14, Isaiah 43:4).

For those who believe that you are trapped forever, I tell you the truth that there is freedom still for you (John 8:36, John 10:10).

For those of you who believe that you are unable to do something, or that your illness or anxiety or anything else will always bring you down to the point where you can't accomplish what you're made to, I tell you the truth that you can do ALL things through Christ's strength (Philippians 4:13).

And for those of you who believe that your circumstance is impossible, and that God can't redeem... I tell you the truth that nothing is impossible for God (Matthew 19:26).

There are thousands of other verses that you can find to speak over whatever lies come your way, and I encourage you all to dive in to God's Word and seek out those verses for your specific battle. And remember that sometimes the devil will try to twist Scripture at you, in order to get you to believe his lies. That's why we need to make a habit to get in the Word as often as we can, so that we know other Scriptures that prove that his twisting is a lie in disguise. 

All Scripture is God-breathed, and it is true to the very depth of it. Our feelings will lie to us, society will lie to us, and even sometimes our friends and family will lie to us, because the devil wants to use any chance he can get to get us to listen to him, so he will try his best to make every one of his lies sound as true as possible. But ultimately, what God says is Truth. He will never lie to us. We just have to choose to believe that, even when the noise is ringing loud all around us. 

Will you choose to listen to the voice of Truth today? I promise you, He will never let you down. 

He Sees You

Lately, I've been asking God to grieve my heart for what grieves His, and to fill me with rejoicing for what He rejoices over. I've been asking Him to let me know what He wants me to pray for, who He wants me to show His love to, and for Him to move me for what moves Him. When I first started praying that prayer, I had no idea how the Lord would answer it in the days and weeks to come. 

Since beginning praying that prayer, I have begun to realize something. When your heart breaks for what breaks God's, you don't just get choked up over stories about homeless people, or feel moved to go help starving children. Yes, of course, those are both HUGE things that God cares about, but there's more to it. God's heart also breaks when we sin. His heart also breaks when His children turn their backs on Him. His heart also breaks when His beloved ones speak poor words about the body He created beautifully, or when His sons and daughters suffer with physical or mental illness, or even hurt themselves or try to take their own life. His heart breaks for those who are lonely, ashamed, or even prideful and rude. Not because He's judging or condemning them (though we will stand before His judgement seat one day, and will have to face everything we did that was sinful and worthy of condemnation apart from Christ's incredible sacrifice for our salvation), but because He deeply loves every soul in existence, and He wants to have an intimate relationship with each and every one of us. It grieves Him immensely when we try to live life apart from Him, or when we believe the lies of the enemy, because He has something so much better for us! He WANTS to give us good gifts, and a future filled with hope. 

I've also realized that when you rejoice over what God rejoices over, you don't just celebrate an answered prayer, or a really great worship service, or the powerful testimony of someone you don't know. You also feel led to surrender your pride and celebrate when someone you don't like gives their life to Jesus, and you rejoice with Heaven and believe the best about them even though you're tempted to exclude them or judge them. You rejoice when your best friend gets engaged to the man of her prayers, even though you've been longing to be in her shoes for YEARS. You rejoice when you see somebody celebrating even just a week clean. You rejoice when somebody else gets the position you worked so hard for, even though it pains you to thank God for that. You rejoice even for something as simple as a new day of life, or something as hard as a lesson a trial has taught you. It doesn't mean it's always easy, but you begin to see that God really does care about even the smallest details of our lives, and that they are worth celebrating. 

All of that being said, as I've been learning how to rejoice and grieve over what God rejoices and grieves over, I've begun to realize that there is a desperate need of hope in our world, and that God is not blind to this need. I've heard countless stories about miscarriages, people struggling with thoughts of worthlessness, people whose spouses or close friends have taken their own lives, young girls believing the lie that they're unlovable or not beautiful, people who have experienced loved ones abandoning them and are left questioning their value, and more. I've noticed so many people feel abandoned by God, and rather hopeless, and my heart breaks over it because I came to the life-changing reality that His heart breaks, too. Deeply. 

 I believe at the root of us all is a desire to be loved and wanted. We want to know that someone cares, and we want to have an unconditional sort of love. The problem is, the only One Who can satisfy that longing in our souls cannot physically be seen by us in this life. Human love doesn't satisfy it, and yet that's the only love we can see, so many of us feel that great desire for something deeper, and yet feel hopeless because we can't find that love apart from Christ. That breaks God's heart, because He WANTS us to find Him. He has never abandoned us, and He so wants us to understand that.  

Yet, even while knowing that in our heads, it can still be hard to truly believe it in our hearts. If we're being honest, how many of us have felt abandoned by God at some point in our lives? How many of us have felt hopeless and unmotivated because of it? How many of us have questioned everything we know to be true, and have asked ourselves if faith was really worth it before?

I know that I have; and I also know that I'm not the only one. In fact, if I'm being completely truthful with you all, I'm still fighting my way out of believing that lie that God has abandoned me. I'm still searching for hope in the every day, and I'm still feeling discouraged when my hope gets crushed. I've walked through trauma over the past two years, and I was ashamed to admit it, since I'm in ministry and known by all for my faith, but it all left me asking myself if God was even real at all. I've felt abandoned, and like He doesn't care anymore, and can no longer be trusted. It's not anything I wish I wrestled with, but it's the painful truth that I know a lot of you can relate to. 

If that's where you find yourself today, I want you to soak this truth deep into your soul: He sees you. 

He sees you, He knows you, He LOVES you, and He's weeping with you. He has never turned His back on you for even a moment, and He is reaching out His hands to you right now, awaiting the day when you will trust Him enough to take hold again. He will never stop speaking to you in every day experiences, longing for the day when you will hear. He will never stop calling your name, waiting for you to run to Him. He wants to hold you, and cry with you until all the tears rust upon your face. He wants to comfort you, counsel you, heal your broken heart, and show you a new life filled with hope. Things won't always be perfect, but when the waves hit again, He wants you to look to Him. Only then will you not be drowned, because only then can your life be turned around! He will choose you over, and over, and over, and over again, and never stop redeeming what has been destroyed so many times. The night doesn't last forever, and there is hope for the morning coming time and time again. 

He wants us all to understand His voice, and to delight in Him. It's our choice, and when we make it rightly, we win! There is always hope for everyone who's afraid. There is always light, and always a better way. 

Sometime in late 2019, when I was right in the middle of the season when I was turning my back on God and believing He had abandoned me, I got invited to a church service by some very close friends. It was on a Wednesday night, and I was free, so I decided to check it out. I'll never forget a moment in worship when they sang this song by Elevation Worship called 'Here Again' that I had never heard before. The tears were POURING down my face, as the chorus: "I'm not enough unless You come; will You meet me here again? 'Cause all I want is all You are; will You meet me here again?" was ringing through the air. The song was my prayer, and one of the first moments when I realized that my root issue causing my dry season in my faith was because I had been believing that God would NOT meet me here again. I was believing that I was forsaken and alone, and that He had left me. To this day, I can't hear or sing that song without being moved to tears by the Holy Spirit, because I remember the pain of feeling abandoned, and how it felt as though Jesus was wrapping me up in His loving arms as the tears streamed down my face. 

He wants to meet us here again. Again, and again, and again, and again. He wants to show us a love that is unlike anything we've ever seen before. He wants us to believe, and to experience true freedom. And He wants us to be His hands and feet to those who need hope like we do. He wants our hearts to break when we hear of those who feel hopeless, and He wants our arms to open wide. He wants us to know that we are seen and cared for. He wants everyone to know that He sees them, and loves them, and is right there with them. 

He wants you to know that He sees you, too. 

Never give up hope, my friend. He's right there with you right now.