And Hope Does Not Disappoint Us

Two years ago... I was given a dream.
It was January 23rd, 2016. I was just three weeks away from being 14, heading to my first concert.
WinterJam 2016.
The excitement was bubbling, as I waited in line with my best friend and her mom. I had loved music my entire life, and couldn't wait to see some of my childhood favorite artists up on that stage. 
I was at a point in my life where I had lost myself. I looked up to some people in the spotlight who were not the best role models, I wanted to move away and pursue acting as a career as soon as I possibly could, I was finding my worth in what my friends and what guys thought of me, I rarely prayed, and I had a Bible but I wasn't all that interested in it. Anything "Christian" I did at all was because I was "supposed to" or because it was the way I was raised. 
I went to that concert because my friend invited me a week or so before. 
I liked music and had grown up listening to some of the artists like Matthew West, Sidewalk Prophets, Crowder... So I agreed to go.
That night, I met Jesus for the first time. 
I came in with more baggage than I knew, and while For KING & COUNTRY was up on that stage singing 'Shoulders'... I felt the Holy Spirit present for the first time since I was about 7 or 8. 
I can't explain what happened that night, because it's a mystery to me. 
But when I was watching artist after artist sing, and hearing testimony after testimony being spoken... 
I felt this overwhelming feeling that I was meant to do that too.
As the days went on, I decided to actually learn how to play the guitar my aunt gave me when I was 9, that was just collecting dust in the corner of my bedroom.
I had started playing it every now and then around the fall of 2015, and had one (very simple and cheesy) secular song written; but I decided to start playing it once a day, and maybe try writing a Christian song as time went on.
I don't recall when I penned my first Christian song.
All I remember is that it was around springtime, I was now 14, and I decided to write a song based on a story.
The story of someone who had lost hope.
As I read back the song I had written, there was something wrong. All the lyrics sounded bitter. Around my 14th birthday, I had prayed my first heartfelt prayer, and had begun reading my Bible a lot more, and learning about this loving and wonderful God...  I just couldn't shake the feeling that something inside of me was saying, "This is not right. Where is the hope?" I watched videos of Luke from the band For KING & COUNTRY talking about his chronic illness, and how it was the idea behind their songs 'Shoulders' and 'Without You' and the more I listened to those songs, the more there was something inside of me saying, "He has hope. He's going through the same sort of thing as the person I'm writing about... But he has hope." I cried while watching the 'Without You' music video again, and remember saying out loud, "That's the kind of song I want to write." 
So the first lyrics got tossed, and I picked up a pen again...
By the time I finished writing that first song, I was in tears. The way I've learned to decide whether a song is a keeper or not is: if it brings me to tears, it stays.
I didn't know how I'd turn this into an actual song, seeing as I only knew maybe 5 or 6 chords, and I wasn't a very good song writer to begin with... But as the weeks went by, I picked up my guitar, cut some stuff, changed the wording a little bit, and 'Where Is the Hope' was born.
That dream that was ignited at the start of the year, the dream of sharing hope through music... It was beginning to take baby steps to becoming reality.
I spent the rest of 2016 praying, reading my Bible, writing, and teaching myself more songs and chords on guitar. 
Around the end of summer, I began trying to share my music somehow... 
But I was so afraid.
I struggle with a bit of social anxiety, and in the depths of my heart there was this fear saying, "What if they don't like it?" I had learned that my worth does not depend on what people do or do not like about me, but I was still such a new Christian that I didn't believe it.
There was still a small voice telling me, "You're not good enough." "This song is too simple." "They're not going to like it." 
The few times I tried to face my fears, either something would fail to post, or there would be a glitch in the recording process, or something.
In time, I just gave up. Around the spring of last year, I decided that maybe music just wasn't for me, and I had heard God wrong in everything from hearing the call to writing the first song.
I hadn't written a new song in many months, and just decided to give up writing and pursue something else. What that was?... I had no idea. But surely writing, whether it be music or journal style posts, was just not my thing.
The summer of 2017, I spent working on different guitar skills (I may have given up writing music, but that thing is addictive and I love it) as well as writing more journal type things, and pursuing Christ. 
Above all... Pursuing Christ.
I found confidence, joy, peace, love, satisfaction, and hope in Him that summer.
For the first time in a long time, I truly believed my worth was defined by Him and Him alone, and nobody could take that from me.
I thought I'd go into writing, or maybe even public speaking of a sort, seeing as I still felt a call to be on a stage, but then... November of 2017 came around. 
A good friend of mine was in charge of an open mic night, to help support a ministry, and asked me if I wanted to sing something for it.
I said no, but I might still come to see it.
Come to find out a week or so later, she had signed me up to sing anyway.
(M, if you're reading this, I love you)
I panicked quite a bit, and she told me if I was that uncomfortable with performing, she'd take me off the schedule.
I panicked a little more, prayed a lot, and told her about a week before the mic night that I was going to do it. 
I decided to learn 'Silent Night' on my guitar, and sing it for everyone, since it was about two weeks before Christmas that this took place.
I had never performed in public with my guitar before, I've always been a bit insecure about my voice, and add that with the fear of being the center of attention, I felt like I was going to either die or pass out. 
But by God's grace, I did it. 
I had my eyes closed the entire time, but I did it.
And it was the first thing that God used to ignite that dream inside of me again.
This past February, I turned 16.
A week later, I went to a concert much like WinterJam to see For KING & COUNTRY again, and the dream I thought had died... came back to life. 
I spent the week after, tracking that first song that I wrote two years before, and decided, before I could change my mind, that this time... It's going up. 
So, after two years of dreaming...
Two years of waiting...
Two years of learning what the lyrics to this song are saying...
I present to you...
The recently re-titled, 
'With Me Now'
https://youtu.be/OFvDcevOuyc
I know I don't have the best microphone, and I'm not the most skilled musician... 
But I pray that through this, and my future songs, you are able to somehow feel The Spirit present, and be reminded of where your hope lies.
Romans 5:5

To the Dreamers

To the dreamer who once lived with passion and zeal...

I remember when you were bright-eyed, ready to chase the world. You weren't afraid of the impossible, the illogical, the unusual. You were ready to be different, you were wanting to be different. Every day was a leap of faith, as you pressed on into the world you saw. To the world everyone else was blind to. You took risks, you took chances, you just went wherever God led you. 

I remember when you were going to change the world. You were going to point it to Christ, let Him flow through you, do whatever He told you to, go wherever He led. 

Until your spirit's second sight went dead.

In fact, you locked your spirit away altogether. 

I remember when you didn't let the impossible hold you back from achieving your dreams.

You would press on even when the world was against you.

You didn't pay attention to what they said about you, you just went where the Spirit led you.

Dreamer, when did logic become so important to you?

When did you stop following?

When did you decide to let your hope fade?

Why oh why did you put out your flame?

To the dreamer who once lived with childlike joy...

You were eager to trust, overflowing with love.

You wanted to open up your heart to the tall and the small, you didn't know how you'd do it, you just had faith through it all.

When you got to a gate, you'd climb above it. When you come across a fork in the road, you'd just keep walking.

So when did that gate become a mountain in your eyes? 

When did that fork in the road multiply?

When did you choose to throw out that joy? 

Dreamer, tell me. Was growing up worth it?

If you could go back, would you do it again?

Would you throw out your life, or lay down the pen?

Dreamer, listen to me, there's hope.

Remember that passion, remember that joy.

Ignite your fire, unlock your soul.

Dreamer, look up and listen. Ask Him where to go.

I'm writing to you as a sister and friend.

I want you to know you can start again.

All the bruises and scars you've let come your way, you don't have to let them lead you astray.

Remember your faith

Remember your zeal

Remember your King who gave you your dreams.

Remember who you are, Dreamer...

And who you will be.

I write to you, dreamer...

Because you were me.

-Jaléna Scott

Hey, guys! For those of you who don't know, I try to do music here and there in my free time, and actually have a YouTube channel for it! I haven't posted anything in a year, and have grown quite a bit since then, but I believe this sort of poem post explains why I've been silent for awhile over there. I'll explain more in time, but for now just know that a dream I thought had died is being brought back to life again, and I decided to take a risk in faith. So without further ado... Here's the link to my new cover of A Million Dreams from The Greatest Showman. I hope you enjoy! :) 

https://youtu.be/wnasGnxI7Mw

Winter Jam 2018

This past Saturday, I went to Winter Jam. My first concert was Winter Jam 2016, and ever since then, I've been coming back every year. For 2016 and 2017, I even made a road trip along with seeing it in my city, because I couldn't get enough. There's just something so special and so beautiful about worshiping God together with complete strangers, whom you probably won't see again until Heaven. Last year, the band Newsong included in their set this beautiful part during their song "Arise My Love" where laser lights of a sort formed a cross for most of the song. Different colors of light and some fog would be used, along with the cross lighting, at different points in the song, until one line....

"The grave could not hold the King."

When that line was sung, the cross faded, and an image of Jesus appeared on the screen behind it.

It. Was. Beautiful.

They kept it in their set this year, which I was very thankful for, and I managed to snap a couple of pictures during it...

 The laser light cross is life-sized. I don't know much about what the real cross that Jesus died on looked like, but I imagine it was roughly the height that the lighting crew put together here. Something about this image is powerful to me. We're all at the foot of this cross. (Yes, I was up in the  high seats so I wasn't technically at the foot of this, but imagination) It's only made out of laser lights, and yet... When you see it... You feel like you're looking at the real thing. It's amazing to think that the King of all the universe once hung on that. I imagine looking at Him hanging there... Watching Him die... Being powerless to help Him... Knowing... I put Him there...
And then...

He is risen

It brings tears to my eyes every time. 

I put Him there... and yet, He died so that I could be forgiven and free 

so that you can be forgiven and free.

I know this is kind of a different blog post, and there is so much more that I could say about Winter Jam 2018... But this... 

This is the most important thing about it every year.

Remembering this.

Celebrating this.

The grave could not hold the King. 

Let's worship Him today, and remember this. 

P.S. Link to listen to the song Arise My Love is below :) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsojJwdq9jg&list=PL0Gl8wEqZzpz4IJP7mD3ZBxowi_gaqED3&index=16

P.P.S Just for fun.... This video is my reaction to seeing the band Skillet live for the first time...