And Hope Does Not Disappoint Us

Two years ago... I was given a dream.
It was January 23rd, 2016. I was just three weeks away from being 14, heading to my first concert.
WinterJam 2016.
The excitement was bubbling, as I waited in line with my best friend and her mom. I had loved music my entire life, and couldn't wait to see some of my childhood favorite artists up on that stage. 
I was at a point in my life where I had lost myself. I looked up to some people in the spotlight who were not the best role models, I wanted to move away and pursue acting as a career as soon as I possibly could, I was finding my worth in what my friends and what guys thought of me, I rarely prayed, and I had a Bible but I wasn't all that interested in it. Anything "Christian" I did at all was because I was "supposed to" or because it was the way I was raised. 
I went to that concert because my friend invited me a week or so before. 
I liked music and had grown up listening to some of the artists like Matthew West, Sidewalk Prophets, Crowder... So I agreed to go.
That night, I met Jesus for the first time. 
I came in with more baggage than I knew, and while For KING & COUNTRY was up on that stage singing 'Shoulders'... I felt the Holy Spirit present for the first time since I was about 7 or 8. 
I can't explain what happened that night, because it's a mystery to me. 
But when I was watching artist after artist sing, and hearing testimony after testimony being spoken... 
I felt this overwhelming feeling that I was meant to do that too.
As the days went on, I decided to actually learn how to play the guitar my aunt gave me when I was 9, that was just collecting dust in the corner of my bedroom.
I had started playing it every now and then around the fall of 2015, and had one (very simple and cheesy) secular song written; but I decided to start playing it once a day, and maybe try writing a Christian song as time went on.
I don't recall when I penned my first Christian song.
All I remember is that it was around springtime, I was now 14, and I decided to write a song based on a story.
The story of someone who had lost hope.
As I read back the song I had written, there was something wrong. All the lyrics sounded bitter. Around my 14th birthday, I had prayed my first heartfelt prayer, and had begun reading my Bible a lot more, and learning about this loving and wonderful God...  I just couldn't shake the feeling that something inside of me was saying, "This is not right. Where is the hope?" I watched videos of Luke from the band For KING & COUNTRY talking about his chronic illness, and how it was the idea behind their songs 'Shoulders' and 'Without You' and the more I listened to those songs, the more there was something inside of me saying, "He has hope. He's going through the same sort of thing as the person I'm writing about... But he has hope." I cried while watching the 'Without You' music video again, and remember saying out loud, "That's the kind of song I want to write." 
So the first lyrics got tossed, and I picked up a pen again...
By the time I finished writing that first song, I was in tears. The way I've learned to decide whether a song is a keeper or not is: if it brings me to tears, it stays.
I didn't know how I'd turn this into an actual song, seeing as I only knew maybe 5 or 6 chords, and I wasn't a very good song writer to begin with... But as the weeks went by, I picked up my guitar, cut some stuff, changed the wording a little bit, and 'Where Is the Hope' was born.
That dream that was ignited at the start of the year, the dream of sharing hope through music... It was beginning to take baby steps to becoming reality.
I spent the rest of 2016 praying, reading my Bible, writing, and teaching myself more songs and chords on guitar. 
Around the end of summer, I began trying to share my music somehow... 
But I was so afraid.
I struggle with a bit of social anxiety, and in the depths of my heart there was this fear saying, "What if they don't like it?" I had learned that my worth does not depend on what people do or do not like about me, but I was still such a new Christian that I didn't believe it.
There was still a small voice telling me, "You're not good enough." "This song is too simple." "They're not going to like it." 
The few times I tried to face my fears, either something would fail to post, or there would be a glitch in the recording process, or something.
In time, I just gave up. Around the spring of last year, I decided that maybe music just wasn't for me, and I had heard God wrong in everything from hearing the call to writing the first song.
I hadn't written a new song in many months, and just decided to give up writing and pursue something else. What that was?... I had no idea. But surely writing, whether it be music or journal style posts, was just not my thing.
The summer of 2017, I spent working on different guitar skills (I may have given up writing music, but that thing is addictive and I love it) as well as writing more journal type things, and pursuing Christ. 
Above all... Pursuing Christ.
I found confidence, joy, peace, love, satisfaction, and hope in Him that summer.
For the first time in a long time, I truly believed my worth was defined by Him and Him alone, and nobody could take that from me.
I thought I'd go into writing, or maybe even public speaking of a sort, seeing as I still felt a call to be on a stage, but then... November of 2017 came around. 
A good friend of mine was in charge of an open mic night, to help support a ministry, and asked me if I wanted to sing something for it.
I said no, but I might still come to see it.
Come to find out a week or so later, she had signed me up to sing anyway.
(M, if you're reading this, I love you)
I panicked quite a bit, and she told me if I was that uncomfortable with performing, she'd take me off the schedule.
I panicked a little more, prayed a lot, and told her about a week before the mic night that I was going to do it. 
I decided to learn 'Silent Night' on my guitar, and sing it for everyone, since it was about two weeks before Christmas that this took place.
I had never performed in public with my guitar before, I've always been a bit insecure about my voice, and add that with the fear of being the center of attention, I felt like I was going to either die or pass out. 
But by God's grace, I did it. 
I had my eyes closed the entire time, but I did it.
And it was the first thing that God used to ignite that dream inside of me again.
This past February, I turned 16.
A week later, I went to a concert much like WinterJam to see For KING & COUNTRY again, and the dream I thought had died... came back to life. 
I spent the week after, tracking that first song that I wrote two years before, and decided, before I could change my mind, that this time... It's going up. 
So, after two years of dreaming...
Two years of waiting...
Two years of learning what the lyrics to this song are saying...
I present to you...
The recently re-titled, 
'With Me Now'
https://youtu.be/OFvDcevOuyc
I know I don't have the best microphone, and I'm not the most skilled musician... 
But I pray that through this, and my future songs, you are able to somehow feel The Spirit present, and be reminded of where your hope lies.
Romans 5:5