Leading the Show

Last week, I was in the musical Oklahoma. We put the entire production on with just five days of rehearsal, and I was playing my first lead as Laurey Williams, so needless to say; that's why I didn't post a blog last Friday.

But explanation aside, let's talk about the show.

If there were a way to describe the whirlwind of emotions I’m feeling, I think I could write a novel.
Really, there's no way to describe it, I'm just in thankful disbelief. 
I legitimately never thought getting a lead could happen to me. At least not until my senior year. I didn't think I was ready for, or capable of handling, it. 
I really wanted this role, but I was preparing myself to be grateful for getting one of the quick solos Laurey's friends sing, or a good dancing part. 

Oddly enough, when I found out what part I was... It didn't feel like I thought it would. 
Don't get me wrong, I squealed, invited everyone I knew, went right to work on the lines and music, kept checking the cast list, and teared up every time I saw it...
But it just felt like another role to me. I just did what I was told, and worked on my part the best I could for, as my director always says, an Audience of One. 

I still don't feel like people are watching, and paying attention to, me; I still don't feel like one of the "big kids"; I still feel like I'm just another student doing just another role, no matter how significant it is to me. I thought I'd be aware of people watching, and be aware that people are viewing me like how I view all the leads I've seen. But now that I've actually done it, it honestly feels weird to me to think that any of that's true.

I don't know how well I'm explaining it, but it's not this humbling thought of, "wow the show's resting on my shoulders..." Like I thought it'd be, and it's not this feeling of, "they're all looking up to me..." Instead I'm watching the ensemble and thinking, "wow, they really make the show." Or I'm looking at my co-stars and thinking, "They really earned this." And my mind is going, "oh, they're not watching me, they're watching _______" "They don't look up to me, I'm just another student."

It's this mix of emotion where I'm humbled and stunned and amazed... But then, I just did what I was told. It was just another role.

Sometimes in life, you're going to be called to be in the background. Other times, you'll be called to lead the show. 
But whether you're at the head or meant to support someone who is, God is the One Who deserves the glory. You are not unnoticed if you're not leading the show, and you can still do God well even if you're in the background. Take it from someone who's been both the girl who was never seen, and now the lead, both in shows and in life:

People. Are. Watching.

And people need to see the light, joy, and love of Christ through you; no matter if it's one person or a hundred. 

If you're in the background, work hard and never give up. And when you get to lead the show, or if you're there now... 
Never forget Who this show is really about.

Because life is so much more beautiful and enjoyable when you realize it's not about you.

How to Find Your Calling

Many times, when you ask somebody how to know what you're called to pursue, they tell you to go after what you're passionate about. I've heard it said so many times, and it quite frankly had me in a bit of a dilemma for a long while.

You see... I'm passionate about writing. So, using this logic, I would go out to pursue writing... right?

Well, here's where the dilemma comes in. 

I'm passionate about writing for sure!.. 

But I'm also passionate about music.

I'm also passionate about acting, dancing, making videos, and a bunch of other things that would pull me in completely opposite directions regarding a career.  

So that brings me to today's blog post.

How do you find your calling when you're passionate about more than one thing? Or maybe when you don't even know what you're passionate about in the first place?

I obviously can't tell you for sure what you're supposed to do, because that's between you and God to figure out. But I can tell you from experience that sometimes you're not called to do just one thing. 

Our purpose in whatever we do can be found in the Bible. 

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." -1 Corinthians 10:31

Our ultimate goal in everything we do should be to bring God the glory. As far as HOW we do that, that's different from person to person depending on your personal gifts, but our calling remains the same no matter what we do.

We are to fight to show the fruits of the Spirit in our lives (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control), we are to be "instruments of Christ", we are to reflect even just a piece of His greatness to everyone around us, wherever God has us.

The thing is, where He has us changes.

One day He may have you out on the stage, and a year later you may be helping behind it. 

Situations change, dreams change, and that's okay.

But I've said it before and I will say it again: God is a God Who wants to see you live those dreams.

You may have a million of them, all throwing you in different directions, but that's okay.

Just hang on tight, and pursue Christ.

Give your life to Him, and live that out loud, and you'll be amazed at how many pieces fall into place.

I'm a junior in High School at the moment, and I'm being pressured to find out what I'm doing and where I'm going next. 

I know a lot of you find yourself in that same situation.

The truth is, you don't need to know what's next. And you don't need to have just one answer when somebody asks you what you're doing with your life. You could be doing twenty different things, but have it all under the occupation of living out loud for Something Greater than yourself. 

For that is your calling, and will forever be, no matter where God takes you.

So I encourage you to go live your calling, wherever God has you right now. 

I think you'll be surprised at just where He ends up taking you.

Dream Again

They say there's this thing called "burnout" that can strike anyone at any time.

I've experienced that more than once, and testify that it is really hard to fight through.

Impossible to fight through alone, difficult to fight through with others by your side, tough to fight through with prayer... 

I believe burnout is real, and I also believe the same can happen with dreams. 

In time the dream just... burns away. 

You don't believe it can become reality anymore, and even if it can, you don't believe it could ever happen to you.

I've been there, and it's very hard. 

A few weeks ago, I remember telling God, through tears, "I never want [my dream] to become reality. Because it would never turn out the way I've been praying for. That just doesn't happen. Not in the real world... Not to me." (Words altered a bit but message the same)

If there's a term for that, I haven't found it yet. The best way I can think of to describe it is simply, "burnout". A dream burning out. 

Burnout affects one's passion and energy. 

It makes it very easy to forget it all, in fact.

I believe much the same happens when a dream goes through burnout. 

But, my friend... There is hope.

There is always hope. 

I often say that God is a God Who wants to see you live your dreams.

I say that because that's what He's proven to be in my life.

I've had complete breakdowns when a dream is touched by burnout. 

I've gone through weeks of pain because of it.

More than once, I've given up on a dream, and let the despair consume me.

And then...

God proves what the Bible says about Him is true. He loves us, He cares for us, He knows the plans He has for us, He wants to see us happy, He gives us the desires of our hearts (I believe He GIVES them to us. Unless it is clearly against His Word, I believe He places our desires on our hearts for us.), and He is faithful.

I want to speak that into someone today.

Open your eyes and dream again. 

Because, I assure you... 

Those dreams can still become reality. 

"To the dreamer who once lived with passion and zeal...

I remember when you were bright-eyed, ready to chase the world. You weren't afraid of the impossible, the illogical, the unusual. You were ready to be different, you were wanting to be different. Every day was a leap of faith, as you pressed on into the world you saw. To the world everyone else was blind to. You took risks, you took chances, you just went wherever God led you. 

I remember when you were going to change the world. You were going to point it to Christ, let Him flow through you, do whatever He told you to, go wherever He led. 

Until your spirit's second sight went dead.

In fact, you locked your spirit away altogether. 

I remember when you didn't let the impossible hold you back from achieving your dreams.

You would press on even when the world was against you.

You didn't pay attention to what they said about you, you just went where the Spirit led you.

Dreamer, when did logic become so important to you?

When did you stop following?

When did you decide to let your hope fade?

Why oh why did you put out your flame?

To the dreamer who once lived with childlike joy...

You were eager to trust, overflowing with love.

You wanted to open up your heart to the tall and the small, you didn't know how you'd do it, you just had faith through it all.

When you got to a gate, you'd climb above it. When you come across a fork in the road, you'd just keep walking.

So when did that gate become a mountain in your eyes? 

When did that fork in the road multiply?

When did you choose to throw out that joy? 

Dreamer, tell me. Was growing up worth it?

If you could go back, would you do it again?

Would you throw out your life, or lay down the pen?

Dreamer, listen to me, there's hope.

Remember that passion, remember that joy.

Ignite your fire, unlock your soul.

Dreamer, look up and listen. Ask Him where to go.

I'm writing to you as a sister and friend.

I want you to know you can start again.

All the bruises and scars you've let come your way, you don't have to let them lead you astray.

Remember your faith

Remember your zeal

Remember your King who gave you your dreams.

Remember who you are, Dreamer...

And who you will be.

I write to you, dreamer...

Because you were me."

-words from past blog post 

Living Your Legacy

This fall, I'm entering my junior year. 

I've been thinking a lot about graduation, and life after, and it became apparent to me just how fast this life zooms by. 

It feels like not long ago I was excited about starting high school, and now it's almost over. People that I met when they were 16 or 17 (my age now) are now turning 20. I have friends who are getting married, getting close to it, or working with major companies now. Children whose birth announcements I remember are now starting school, or even entering middle or high school for some. It's crazy to think about how quickly this life goes by.

I've been praying a lot lately about where God wants me after graduation. I'll keep all of that personal for now, seeing as there are no set plans yet, but some areas that I feel I might be called to would involve me moving out of state. 

That thought is hard for me, and though I have no set plans, (and would like to remain in my home state if I could) I realized that my friends will all be doing the same after graduation. 

Moving away...

Starting college...

Getting married...

The friends I have now may not be in my life long after graduation. At least not in the same way they are now. 
This life that I live now will start to look very different in just under a year in a half's time.

That sounds like a very depressing thought, but when you think about it, it doesn't have to be.

Yeah, life won't be the same forever. Change happens, and sometimes it's bittersweet. 

But that's not a reason to be depressed, it's a reason to thank God for the season He has you in now, and do your best to live all out for Him in it.

Seasons change, that's natural. 

But in every season, there is beauty. 

This life goes by in a breath, a blink. 

Sooner than we think, we'll be old and grey, looking back on it all.

What do you want to see when that time comes?
What do you want the people who've known you to see?

What do you want your legacy to be?

You don't have to wait for life to change before you start leaving your legacy. Your legacy is being written today. How do you want your children to remember you? What about your friends? Co-workers? Strangers?

You can start right where you are, in this season you're in.

Only God knows how long each season will last.

Sometimes He surprises you, and seasons you don't expect to last come around again, or stay a little while longer. Other times... a season ends and stays that way.

So while you're here, right where you are, living this life you live... 

Live.

When I look back on my life one day, I want to see that I lived.

I lived when I was in high school, I lived with every goodbye after. 

I lived when I was working, I lived when I was (God willing) raising children.

One day, I want to look back on my life and see that with every season, starting younger than the world values, I lived. 

Because I let Christ live through me.

This life doesn't last forever.

Don't forget to live it today.

Revisiting Your Past

Over the past week that I've been away, I decided to revisit my past by reading my old journals again.

I recorded much of my thoughts, life events, dreams, and struggles in journals from ages 10 until the present. 

As I was reading some stuff again, I found myself having a hard time getting through it.

I read about friendships that faded, feelings that changed, a heart that has shifted, situations I forgot about...

It wasn't as easy as I thought it'd be. 

Through it all, I noticed a theme that developed over time.

I believed, at the root of it all, that I was worthless. 

I believed I was second choice, nobody could ever love me, everyone in my life was only there until they found someone better, and the world would be no different without me in it.

The reason reading my old journals was so hard for me is because I watched as that theme slowly took its root through the little things I went through.

What makes it even harder is that I realized that I still believe that somewhat.

But though it hurt to revisit, I'm thankful that I did.

Because I was honestly blind to that lie until I did.
Now that I've dug deep enough to find it, I can begin the process of healing.
And that's exactly what I want to write about today.
No matter how old you are, we all have something in our past that we'd rather forget.
Whether it be a moment, a day, a year, or what seems like another lifetime... Pain happens, guilt happens, shame happens, life happens; and we like to look past the unpleasant oftentimes.
I don't know what your past holds, but I can speak from my own. 
I know I'm not the only one who believes that lie, and I know I'm not the only one who's gone through pain cast upon by loved ones.
If that's your past too, I want you to know that you are not alone in the slightest. I want you to know that you are worth so much more than second choice. I want you to know that people can and do love you, and I want you to know that God has plans to give you hope and a future, no matter what you've believed or been told. 
Jeremiah 29:11
But that's not everyone's past.
Some of you face more shame than hurt when you look back.
If that's you, I want you to look up Isaiah 43:18-19 as well as Jeremiah 29:11.
God is doing a new thing in you.
There's a lesson to be learned from the past, but you are new now. 
I pray you never forget that.
Whatever your past looks like for you, I want to encourage you to take it to the cross.
The healing begins when you start to let those teardrops fall into the scarred hands of Jesus, and soak in His grace and love for you.
Once the healing begins, your past becomes your testimony.
As the old hymn says, "I once was lost, but now am found."
You, my friend, are a new creation.
Revisiting doesn't mean you have to stay.

"Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert, and streams in the wasteland." -Isaiah 43:18-19

"'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

What If I Have No Testimony?

I'll spare the long story, but for the past month or so, I have had the honor of being apart of what is called the "Expressive Worship Team" at my new church. To make it official, and handle all the legal stuff, the director gave me an application to fill out last Sunday. Usually, you'd fill this out before getting chosen to be on the team. Again, I'll spare the long story, but the reason I was technically already on the team even without going through the process has nothing to do with me. I am not some special chosen one whom the rules don't apply to, or whom everyone wants to be on the team. I had childhood training, the leaders know me, and it was something I was praying about probably since I joined this church back in April.

All that aside, now back to the story.

One of the things you had to fill out on the application was your testimony.

I was instructed to, "Give a brief description of how you came into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ."

I had to fill out things on there about my baptism, what ministries I'm involved in, even if I had ever experienced being filled with the Holy Spirit; yet oddly enough, the part about the testimony had me the most nervous. 

The reason why?

I don't one. 

I was nervous because my "testimony" goes something like this:

"I was raised in a Christian home, homeschooled since pre-k, had Christian grandparents and great-grandparents on both sides, going back generations.

I was baptized on my 10th birthday, I have never had a non-Christian friend, I've never really questioned my beliefs...

Basically, I was born into this whole thing. 

However, on March 19th, 2017, I can't explain what happened. 

I was listening to the song 'Here's My Heart-Live' by Casting Crowns, and it moved me deeply. 

I fell to my knees in tears, and gave my life to Jesus right there on my bedroom floor.

From then on, my life was not the same.

I loved people better, I loved life more, I was less anxious all the time, and an almost physical light actually began to develop in my eyes, along with a plethora of other things that I don't know how to put into words. 

I found something worth dying for that day, and from then on, I have felt an indescribable peace and have been filled with unexplainable joy that I wouldn't trade for the world.

He became my everything that night."

It's so boring, I was afraid they wouldn't want me on the team because it wasn't "good" enough.

But, I wrote it out, and turned it in anyway. 

And I haven't been told I can't be on the team yet, so I assume my fears were in vain, as they so often are.

I know I'm not the only person who struggles with comparing their testimony, or thinking theirs isn't worthy of even being called that.

I've had conversations with many different friends about this, and I think more than one person will be able to relate to how we all feel.

I write this post as an encouragement to you.

If you feel like you don't have a testimony, I challenge you to look deeper.

When was that moment that this whole Jesus thing became real to you?

When was the moment that you felt His love for the first time?

And it can be more than one moment too! 

Heck, my testimony is a two-parter, going from March to June.

Honestly, once your eyes are opened to all that God is doing in your life, every day becomes part of your testimony.

Whenever we just stop and look back on our lives, marveling at all the amazing things God has done... That's a testimony. 

One of my favorite hymns is 'Amazing Grace'. I know that's a little cliché, but it's true.

My favorite line, and the one that can bring tears to my eyes when I think about it,

"Was blind but now I see"

Because really, that's what a testimony is in one sentence.

The moment when you saw for the first time. 

And that is life changing. You may think your story sounds boring, but even if your testimony is like mine, where you were raised in this faith but it didn't click for you until "randomly" one day, that's beautiful.

What is your testimony?

When did you see for the first time?

Don't compare that moment to anyone else's.

Treasure it in your heart, make it real to you. 

I promise, whatever it may be...

You do have a testimony. And it's beautiful.

Supernatural Strength

As I was reflecting on this past week to begin the writing of this blog post, many possible topics came to mind. I could elaborate on the topic I just made a video on called "Seasons Change" Link
or I could do a post on dreams becoming reality...
I could do a post on patience, or making the most of life right where you are...
And the more I thought about it, the harder it was to pick a topic.
So many things have been on my mind this week, and I honestly didn't know where to begin.
Also, in starting a YouTube channel, it makes it harder to keep coming out with new content on every platform.
Some days I just feel worn. Some nights I'll stay up until midnight editing or writing or rehearsing, and it just feels like there aren't enough hours in the day at times.
And don't get me wrong, I love what I do so much and wouldn't trade any of it for the world. It can just make me tired sometimes, keeping up with it all.
As I thought about this, I realized that I had found my topic, and it is the title of this post: supernatural strength.
Speaking as a student juggling life's needs as well as school, I think most of us need supernatural strength at this point in the semester (and year) more than ever.
Anyone out there relate?
It just seems like there's so much to do and not enough time to do it all. And with school on top of it all, I find it's very easy to get overwhelmed, or get tempted to slack off in one of my responsibility areas.
Last year, around this same time, I got super stressed out. It lasted until about early August, and I've been free of it until just a week or so ago, when I noticed the stress beginning to return.
I began praying for the energy, motivation, and strength to get everything done that I need to every day, and God began to answer that prayer by giving me His strength. His supernatural strength.
One thing I've been learning, as God has been helping me throughout this, is that though I may have a lot on my plate at times, there's a way to stay relaxed and strong during it all. 
Instead of counting up the items on my to-do list, and  frantically praying my way through each task, I learned a way that I could breathe and give my all in everything rather than just checking off one thing at a time.
Over the course of last year's stressful spring/summer, I found a verse, via my drama director's incredible encouragement to the cast, that I now call my life verse:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." 
-Colossians 3:23

At the beginning of my sophomore year, this past fall, I began to speak this verse to myself whenever I would get stressed out. 
I worked harder than I ever have in my life at school, in drama class, in ballet, in jazz, in working out and eating healthier, in chores, in friendships, in my family relationships, in absolutely every area of my life. 
And it brought me peace. 
When I stopped focusing on everything I had to do each day, and instead started focusing on pouring everything I had inside of me into what I was doing right then... It brought me peace. 
And in these past few weeks, as the stress has been returning, I've begun to try that method again.
Instead of panicking as my to-do list keeps growing, and worrying about all the future tasks I'll have to add to that in the next few months, I've begun working wholeheartedly at whatever I am doing right then. 
There's a song I love by Matthew West called 'All In' and I have it on my sophomore, junior, and senior year playlists now. 
The chorus says: 

I'm going all in 
Head first into the deep end
I hear You calling 
And this time the fear won't win
I'm going all in

God will give you supernatural strength if you choose to ask for it. However, it's up to us to decide what we do with that strength. 
Will we try to distribute it unevenly amongst all our tasks?
Or will we decide to pour out all of that strength right where we are, trusting God will continue to refill it in every new area?
You hear it said all the time, but we really are the only Bible some people will ever read.
Our ultimate goal in life is to bring glory to God. 
What better way to bring Him glory than by choosing to go all in?
The more you pour yourself out, the more He will refill you, and the more others will see a piece of the amazing God we serve.
For every student out there, trying to balance life with school and quite often work as well, you can do this. You're so close to the finish line, it's time to go all in. 
For every graduate trying to make a life for themselves that looks like the one God has for them, unsure of what will happen next, you can do this. It's time to go all in.
For everyone who's stressed out, and everyone who's fighting to make ends meet...
For everyone who's nervously pursuing their illogical call, and everyone who's afraid to, it's time to go all in. 
Will you go all in?
If ever your eyes fall upon these words, my prayer for you is that you are filled with supernatural strength in every area of your life. 
I pray you find peace, joy, and excitement right where you are, and that you never fail to return to it even when you stray.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you.
May He lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace. 
Nothing broken, nothing missing, all complete. 
And that which has bound us to chaos is broken.
Amen.

Do You Believe The Liar?

Lies.

 We hear them everyday.

 We hear them so often that they sometimes start sounding like the truth.

"You're not good enough" "You're ugly" "You're too far gone" "You're a failure" "You're fat" "Nobody will ever love you" "Nobody really wants to be your friend" "This world would be better off without you in it."

And that's only naming a few of the many lies we believe.

Let me tell you something, I have believed every single one of those lies I mentioned above at a time in my life.

And you know the one I kept coming back to, even if I was able to replace the other lies with truth? 

"This world would be no different without you in it."

I believed I had made no difference, I never would, God couldn't use me, I was just an invisible girl that people only ever talked to or treated nicely because they had to. 

I wanted to be a light, but I felt I just couldn't. 

I wanted to point people to Christ, but I was too scared. 

On June 2nd of 2017, I got out of the shower, wrapped a tower around me, and broke down crying right there in the bathroom.

I remember many of the exact words in the prayer that I prayed that night. 

I flat out told God I was a failure, and basically that I was a mistake, and I had "failed at being a light."

I went on to say just exactly why nobody would care if I wasn't here, and why I was useless to Him.

I wasn't suicidal, but I genuinely did not believe I mattered, or that I ever would.

Flash forward a few hours later to June 3rd...

I would like to share more of this story, (rather, my parts in this story, not everything that happened that night is mine to share) but I don't feel it's time yet. I may when it's closer to the one year marking of it, I'm not sure. 

But for now, just know that God completely changed my life that night, by showing me literally everything I had said to Him the night before (and in the years before) was false.

He even had someone I had never really talked to before come up to me at the end of the night and say, "I just wanted to say thank you for being a light." 

Though I still struggle with anxiety and lies from time to time, I'm thrilled to report that I have not had a single breakdown since that night.

Those breakdowns that got up to being almost nightly never occurred again after what God did in my life that night.

So, why do I tell you this? 

It's the middle of April, nowhere near the anniversary of this, and I only shared a clip of the story, why did I decide to share this with you?

Well, because I prayed very intensely over what to post this week, and I couldn't shake this story from my mind.

Because I know not everybody gets their June 3rd right after they breakdown. 

I know some people wrestle for years, or even their entire life, with breakdowns that they never seem to get a release from.

I don't know why I got that night.

I've been unable to stop thanking God for it since it happened, because I know very well that I did not deserve that any more that anybody else.

I don't know why some people are freed from these lies, and some people wrestle and wrestle until the end.

What I do know is that God is real. I learned that that night. He may not seem very real to some of you right now, you may be going through seemingly unending darkness, but He is real and His word is real and there is a light at the end of this tunnel.

There are scriptures after scriptures talking about how loved we are, and how God has big plans for us. And if there really is a God who really says those things, if we choose to believe that, the lies fade to background noise.

Even if you don't believe it, say His truths to yourself every time you start to focus on another lie. For every "nobody wants you" say to yourself, "God will never leave nor forsake me."

For every, "you're useless" say to yourself, "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord."

Counter every single lie with a truth, no matter how long you have to fight back some of them.

I still sometimes believe different lies, but once you've tasted and seen the truth, it makes it easier and easier to fight them back.

God has a beautiful plan for each and every one of you reading this now.

He loves you

He wants to use you for bigger things than you could ever imagine

and that's not just for the people doing seemingly "big" Christian things with their lives.

Yeah, so I put my stuff out there weekly.

That doesn't make me any better than anybody.

Even the "biggest" Christians, like Billy Graham or Mother Teresa, are no more than sinners like you and I who let God use them.

My prayer for all of you is that you grow an ability to detect and replace any and every lie you believe.

Because though I may have been blatantly shown the truth, it's still available for everyone and anyone to choose to believe, even if they maybe have not physically seen.

"'Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.'" -John 20:29

P.S. The promised rebirth of my YouTube channel went up on Wednesday! I've been keeping it pretty hush hush, so you amazing blog readers get to be the first to officially hear about it. I will be posting a new video every Wednesday, as well as some more covers and originals from time to time, and plan on covering more topics such as anxiety, lies we believe, maybe some singleness videos thrown in here and there, and more like that. I'd greatly appreciate your support if you'd like to check it out. :) Here's the link: Welcome To My Channel  

"Let Him Catch You"

A couple of months ago, my ballet class started learning our dance for the end of the year recital coming up in May.
During part of the dance, there are partner parts (that's fun to say), and for the first time, I got partnered.
I'm not the greatest dancer, and didn't know the first thing about dancing with a male, but nevertheless, I was up for the challenge.
A few Mondays ago, my dance teacher was giving notes on the dance and told me, "Really step out into your arabesque- let him catch you."
That simple phrase has stuck with me ever since.
You're probably expecting me to turn this around by saying "step out and let Jesus catch you", and, not gonna lie, I was going to do that...
But the reason "let him catch you" has stuck out to me so much, is because I struggle with letting others in on my dance, and trusting them to catch me in life.
I have no problem trusting Jesus to catch me, but when it comes to trusting my brothers and sisters in Christ... I often find myself backing away, or growing uncomfortable.
I don't want to be afraid of dancing with others in this dance of life, but with my independent spirit, I find myself refusing to let others help me out- to catch me when I've taken on way more than I can handle alone, or to help direct my sight back to Jesus when I'm wandering.
More often than not, I tend to take on way more than I can handle alone, and refuse help from others, believing I can do it better on my own. 
But that's simply not a healthy way of living. 
Taking on everything yourself, and refusing to let others help you from time to time, is only going to lead to stress and discomfort in life.
That's not how I want to live at all. 
I want to surrender to the music, deny myself and all of my doubts and fears, and live this life for more than a solo. 
Because life is more than a solo.
The truth is, this life is not about me. This life is about pointing up to the One Who will never leave us, or let us down. I want my life to be a reflection of His greatness, even just a glimpse of it, and I can't do that if I'm unwilling to let others come alongside me, or even take center stage, every now and then.
The fear comes in when the trust is absent.
And yeah, sometimes someone will drop us, or fail to catch us, it's guaranteed because we're all flawed and sinful. 
But if we ultimately dance the dance for our King, He will never let us stay down. 
He will always catch us, no matter how many fail to, and send others to help us when we need it. 
This dance is a risk, and it always will be, because we don't know the intentions of others, and we never will in this life. 
But we can't let the risk keep us from the dance.
It's time to step out, and trust that even if others don't do their job, and we fall... We will never stay there. 
Don't try to do this dance all by yourself. 
Let them catch you.
But ultimately, and here it is...
Let Him catch you.

Instruments For Christ

"In about 1930, I gave my first speech. I portrayed Uncle Sam in a pageant at Woodlawn School, with a long beard and a tailcoat. My mother was a nervous wreck after teaching me the speech and listening to me practice it until I knew it word perfect. My knees shook, my hands perspired, and I vowed to myself that I would never be a public speaker!" - Billy Graham (from 'Just As I Am')

This past week, I've been reading the 730 page autobiography of Billy Graham. The above quote is stated in chapter two, if I recall correctly, and as I read it, I couldn't help but smile. Billy Graham, probably the most well known public speaker of the 20th and 21st centuries, vowed at about 11 years old that he would never be a public speaker. His principal told his mother, after that speech, that he had a gift for it, but it was so far out of his comfort zone that he likely couldn't imagine willingly doing anything like it again. Little did he know what God had in mind for his life. 
I have often times found myself asking God the question, "why me, Lord?" 
Ever feel that way? 
I've found that usually the things God has called us to do with our lives, we're afraid to do, or they're way outside of our comfort zones.
And you wouldn't think that they would be, right? Shouldn't we be naturally able to do the things that God has called us to do/enjoy doing those things from the start?
Yet more often than not, when you see someone who appears to be fully confident in Christ, doing what He has called them to do with their lives... They tell you that they never would've imagined the life they live, or that they actually have to fight a lot of fear to do what they do.
Reading that even Billy Graham had to overcome fear to do what God called him to do really got me thinking.
I know the man was imperfect. I don't admire him because I believe he was, the fact that he had to overcome any fear at all proves that he was flawed just like you and me.
What I admire about the man, and what really inspires me, is that despite his flaws, fears, and failures; he chose to surrender himself daily as an instrument for Christ.
He was afraid to speak in public (at least for awhile), probably didn't ever think he was all that good at it. But he still asked God to use him, and went wherever God led, as well as did whatever God told him to, even if he was uncomfortable.
I don't know how many of you play any instruments, but let's dig deeper into this analogy.
A piano, guitar, flute, harp....... tuba?... I don't know, point is, any instrument, is powerless on its own. It's a slave to the musician's every command. It can be used to make beautiful music (an exception to the tuba) that connects with many people's spirits, but somebody has to live through it if you will. Somebody has to use the instrument to make that music. It can't do it alone.
In the same way, we are called to be instruments for Christ.
We are called to let Him live through us, and make a beautiful song out of our lives that we couldn't do alone.
The fear comes in because the enemy doesn't want us to become instruments for Christ. He wants to use us to make an ugly sound that negatively affects us as well as anyone who hears it. 
So he gives us fear. He comes into our lives, sees the gifts God has given us, and does everything he can to make sure we don't discover them for ourselves, lest we decide to use them for the kingdom of God.
Don't let him win.
God has a beautiful song that He's waiting to play through you, but it WILL require you jumping out of your comfort zone, and even taking some risks. 
Whatever it is you have "vowed" never to do out of fear...  
Leap.
Because the best things in life are outside of our comfort zones, but they can only be reached when we give ourselves to God to use as He will.

Is It Wrong To Want To Look Different?

This past Saturday, I was scrolling through the app store, when I saw a section marked, "top paid". The number one app listed in that section caught my eye. 

It was a selfie editing app. 

An app where you could whiten your teeth, cover up lines and wrinkles, brighten any colors, and pretty much change anything about your appearance that you could imagine. 

The reason this caught my attention was because an app where you can change anything about your looks that you could imagine, was the number one paid for app on the app store. 

It made my heart sad to see that so many people wanted  to change their appearance, that they were willing to pay about four dollars for an app that would provide the ability to do just that for them. 

Now, before I go any further, I want to throw it out there that I am not perfect, and actually, for many years in my life, I wanted everything about myself to look different. 

I hated my nose, my smile, my body, my hair, my eyebrows, my voice, you name it.

I wanted everything about me to be different, and would have probably wanted to buy this app until about a year ago. 

Honestly, part of me was, and is, still tempted to try it out, even though by God's grace I've learned to love how I look. It's just that curiosity of, "what could I look like if I looked like this?..." 

I'm aware that not everyone who has bought this app has bought it because they don't like how they look, and most people probably bought it just because of the curiosity. 

But even if you give into the curiosity in an innocent way, by just simply wanting to see what you could look like if you looked different, you begin to feed the desire to compare, and the desire to look different. 

The problem doesn't begin when you wear a little makeup, or even edit a picture. The problem begins at your heart. What is your reason for wearing makeup? What is your reason for putting on that filter? What is your reason for editing that picture? 

We're all human, and we all have our own insecurities and struggles... But we don't have to let them control us. 

If you think you will be happy if you looked different, you won't. You might temporarily be satisfied... but in the end, you'll just end up wanting more. 

Because until you learn to be content with who you are and where God has you, you will never be content no matter what your world ends up looking like.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

And that's not just a caption for Instagram. 

Let that truth soak into your soul.

Because you are priceless, no matter what you look like, or what your life looks like. You are worth more than this world makes you believe, I promise you. 

Ask yourself what your reason is for putting on makeup, or for editing your pictures, next time you go to do it. Do you love what's underneath?

"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." -Psalm 139:13-16