Do You Believe The Liar?

Lies.

 We hear them everyday.

 We hear them so often that they sometimes start sounding like the truth.

"You're not good enough" "You're ugly" "You're too far gone" "You're a failure" "You're fat" "Nobody will ever love you" "Nobody really wants to be your friend" "This world would be better off without you in it."

And that's only naming a few of the many lies we believe.

Let me tell you something, I have believed every single one of those lies I mentioned above at a time in my life.

And you know the one I kept coming back to, even if I was able to replace the other lies with truth? 

"This world would be no different without you in it."

I believed I had made no difference, I never would, God couldn't use me, I was just an invisible girl that people only ever talked to or treated nicely because they had to. 

I wanted to be a light, but I felt I just couldn't. 

I wanted to point people to Christ, but I was too scared. 

On June 2nd of 2017, I got out of the shower, wrapped a tower around me, and broke down crying right there in the bathroom.

I remember many of the exact words in the prayer that I prayed that night. 

I flat out told God I was a failure, and basically that I was a mistake, and I had "failed at being a light."

I went on to say just exactly why nobody would care if I wasn't here, and why I was useless to Him.

I wasn't suicidal, but I genuinely did not believe I mattered, or that I ever would.

Flash forward a few hours later to June 3rd...

I would like to share more of this story, (rather, my parts in this story, not everything that happened that night is mine to share) but I don't feel it's time yet. I may when it's closer to the one year marking of it, I'm not sure. 

But for now, just know that God completely changed my life that night, by showing me literally everything I had said to Him the night before (and in the years before) was false.

He even had someone I had never really talked to before come up to me at the end of the night and say, "I just wanted to say thank you for being a light." 

Though I still struggle with anxiety and lies from time to time, I'm thrilled to report that I have not had a single breakdown since that night.

Those breakdowns that got up to being almost nightly never occurred again after what God did in my life that night.

So, why do I tell you this? 

It's the middle of April, nowhere near the anniversary of this, and I only shared a clip of the story, why did I decide to share this with you?

Well, because I prayed very intensely over what to post this week, and I couldn't shake this story from my mind.

Because I know not everybody gets their June 3rd right after they breakdown. 

I know some people wrestle for years, or even their entire life, with breakdowns that they never seem to get a release from.

I don't know why I got that night.

I've been unable to stop thanking God for it since it happened, because I know very well that I did not deserve that any more that anybody else.

I don't know why some people are freed from these lies, and some people wrestle and wrestle until the end.

What I do know is that God is real. I learned that that night. He may not seem very real to some of you right now, you may be going through seemingly unending darkness, but He is real and His word is real and there is a light at the end of this tunnel.

There are scriptures after scriptures talking about how loved we are, and how God has big plans for us. And if there really is a God who really says those things, if we choose to believe that, the lies fade to background noise.

Even if you don't believe it, say His truths to yourself every time you start to focus on another lie. For every "nobody wants you" say to yourself, "God will never leave nor forsake me."

For every, "you're useless" say to yourself, "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord."

Counter every single lie with a truth, no matter how long you have to fight back some of them.

I still sometimes believe different lies, but once you've tasted and seen the truth, it makes it easier and easier to fight them back.

God has a beautiful plan for each and every one of you reading this now.

He loves you

He wants to use you for bigger things than you could ever imagine

and that's not just for the people doing seemingly "big" Christian things with their lives.

Yeah, so I put my stuff out there weekly.

That doesn't make me any better than anybody.

Even the "biggest" Christians, like Billy Graham or Mother Teresa, are no more than sinners like you and I who let God use them.

My prayer for all of you is that you grow an ability to detect and replace any and every lie you believe.

Because though I may have been blatantly shown the truth, it's still available for everyone and anyone to choose to believe, even if they maybe have not physically seen.

"'Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.'" -John 20:29

P.S. The promised rebirth of my YouTube channel went up on Wednesday! I've been keeping it pretty hush hush, so you amazing blog readers get to be the first to officially hear about it. I will be posting a new video every Wednesday, as well as some more covers and originals from time to time, and plan on covering more topics such as anxiety, lies we believe, maybe some singleness videos thrown in here and there, and more like that. I'd greatly appreciate your support if you'd like to check it out. :) Here's the link: Welcome To My Channel