Escaping the Noise

I've been very uncertain what God is saying to me, and where He wants me to go in life, for the past few weeks. Those of you who are weekly readers of this blog have been following that journey. Well, since I wrote that last post, I've been devoting myself to bettering my relationship with God. I've been asking for direction, for "eyes to see" and "ears to hear". I've been asking that He would please speak to me, and have been really trying to listen to what He could be trying to say. 

I wish I could be a good Christian here, and tell you I've gotten some miraculous sign and now know where I'm going next... But the truth of the matter is that I still haven't heard a thing. I'm still clueless, I'm still trusting blindfolded, I'm still unsure what He's trying to say to me; and as a person of faith, that's a hard thing to openly admit. 

I have an iPhone, and the other day, I got the new iOS update. One of the things that this update includes is a new feature called "screen time". You can set a "down time" where the apps of your choice are off-limits until the time is up, set time limits for whatever you choose, and monitor how much time you've spent on your phone that day. It even gives you a weekly report of how much time you've spent on your phone. 

In the process of hearing nothing from God, other than a sense I needed to trust Him and the word "listen", I decided to check into this feature. I set a "down time" from 9:30 in the evening until 7:00 in the morning. I figured that was enough to get a handle on my screen time, and sort of brushed it aside. 

Then I saw one of my daily reports.

I had spent about 5 in a half hours staring at my phone in one day. Sure, I could argue that it was doing things that are "productive" but the truth stands that that's a long time. Of the roughly 16 hours I'm awake every day, almost 6 of those were being spent looking at a screen. And when I was away from that phone? I was either looking at my computer screen, or listening to music or a Podcast with my phone in lock mode.

Sure, I don't spend ALL day looking at a screen... But if you add it all up... quite a bit of my time is spent behind one. It's hard to avoid, given that we get so much of our work down online these days... but still. No wonder God had been telling me to listen for so long. With all this background noise, it's a miracle I've even been able to hear that much. 

I had thought I was doing my best to listen. I had thought I couldn't pursue Christ any harder... But then, look how much time I've been spending ignoring Him. In a sense, I've been saying, "one more minute." While He's been saying, "Jaléna... I want to talk with you."

How many more minutes? What "work" is more important to me than my King and my Guide?

I tend to be more of a Martha than a Mary. When I go near to God like this, it's so that I can find answers, get words to write, find out my next task. When really, all God wants me to do is sit at His feet and listen. 

This time, I'm not expecting this action to give me answers. But I am expecting it to change my perspective. 

I'm logging off. I'm pulling the plug. I'm limiting my screen time. I'm committing to doing anything it takes to chase after my God. Because if I really do love Him more than anything... I need to turn off my idols NOW.
And maybe God wants you to take that action in your own life too. 

So let's take that action. Not so that we can know what's next... but so that we can worship at the feet of Jesus, where our chaos meets His peace.