When I was a kid, I had a lot of trouble hearing. For the first 6 or so years of my life, I could barely hear anything, and went through a lot of trips to the ear doctor in order to help my ears learn how to do what they were supposed to do. I praise the Lord because now pretty much the only things I struggle with are a very slight ringing in my ears, and occasional ear infections/sinus problems, but because I was struggling with hearing so much around the same time I was starting to learn phonics, I dealt with a lot of problems sounding out words/spelling/writing, and sometimes I wrestle still with harder words.
I never would have imagined that I would end up writing as much as I do as an adult. I journaled often, greatly enjoyed reading, would sometimes jot down ideas for possible stories/attempt to write some, and would have fun being creative with my siblings and friends, but I always thought that that creativity and those ideas would lead me to end up being an actress in movies, or something like that. And when it came to poetry... I NEVER would have imagined myself doing that in a MILLION years.
Yet, here I am. What started with taken an interest in trying to write songs at 13, led to writing blog-like posts on social media, starting this blog at 15, starting to write poetry consistently shortly before turning 16, starting my poetry blog (Letters of Light) at 17, writing and delivering my graduating class's student speech this past May, and now spending my days passionate about spreading the Gospel and Light through writing in every form I can. I say all of this not to boast about myself, because I honestly have nothing to boast about!! I never planned for the life that I live now, and I have to overcome much in order to continue doing what I do on a day-to-day basis... but I say this to let you all know just what Jesus can do through incapable, unqualified, outcast people like myself.
Without Jesus, I am nothing. I would never have stepped out in faith to start sharing my writings that I didn't think were any good, nor would I keep doing it every day. I am also an introvert by nature, who deals with anxiety, and what I do now is far outside of my comfort zone. I still feel the fear when I go to share what I've written, or talk with someone who has a different opinion than I do or who is calling me out on something, or get up in front of people, or share openly about my struggles, and I still doubt myself all the time. But it is not I who is responsible for any impact that I may have with anything! Only Christ through me. When I keep that in view, all of my fears fade. They don't disappear, but they fade to the point where I can see clearly that they aren't actually as powerful as I think.
Really, that's the key to freedom that the devil wants us to forget, especially when he can see that we're about to step out in faith and do something for God's glory. He wants us to think that we're failures, or that it's impossible, or that we are incapable, or look foolish. The truth is, we ARE incapable, and it IS impossible... on our own. But when you rely on God and not yourself, trusting Him to use you and speak through you in any way He desires... suddenly, impossible things become possible. Miracles become normal in and around you. And you get the honor of displaying to the world, even just by your life and story, that God loves using incapable people for amazing things.
I don't know who else out there is struggling with feelings of doubt, or fear. I don't know who else feels like an imposter in their every day life, and who sometimes thinks about just giving up all together because they don't think they're fit for the task. I don't know who else is even reading this, let alone if anyone needs to hear this... but what I do know is that God turns shepherds into Kings (David). He turns scared girls into Queens who save an entire race (Esther). He turns fishermen into church-planters (Peter). He turns farm boys into pastors of thousands (Billy Graham). And He can turn you and me into something greater than we could ever imagine.
If you're feeling incapable today, I encourage you to remember that it is not up to you whether or not you make an impact on others. Just come to Jesus with all of your worries, and feelings, and fears; seek Him in everything you do; and trust Him with the rest. He delights in using incapable people for incredible things.
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